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Brangelina bother me. Keep reading and I’ll tell you one of the reasons.

It wouldn’t make sense for me to put all the reasons in one post, would it? I gotta spread this shit out in this Great Depression of celebrity scandal. Don’t hate me for saying it,  you guys, but sometimes I just really miss 2007. What an interesting year that was for us all.

No, I didn’t learn a thing about being careful what I wish for. Who knows what’ll happen now that I’ve said that.

Moving on.

So Brangelina. God, they’re just everywhere, aren’t they? In general, I think Ange is a cold, manipulative bitch, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking that she was fantastic in Changeling and Girl, Interrupted. I don’t hate her enough to not want to see the films of hers that interest me. That being said, I don’t like her enough to watch the ones that don’t look interesting to me. I mean, is it just me or are Wanted and Salt the same movie? I mean, if you told me that she was playing the same character in those two and Mr & Mrs Smith I’d be like ‘oh yeah, that makes sense.’ But whatever.

Oh, and that thing she said about not loving Shiloh as much as the adopted kids? What the fuck was that about? I liked her more when she was making out with her brother and wearing Billy Bob’s blood around her neck. Alliteration makes me so happy, I’m smiling right now. Thanks, BB. Anyway, if you don’t remember any of that, here’s the recap:

I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they’re survivors, they came through so much, Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her…I met my other kids when they were 6 months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this…Yes, a blob! But now she’s starting to have a personality…I’m conscious that I have to make sure I don’t ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable.

Seriously. What. The fuck.

There you go. Now we’re all caught up.

Brad, well… I used to really like Brad when I was younger and he was with Jen. I liked him in The Mexican, and Ocean’s 11, and in that one episode of Friends he was in. I don’t really have an opinion on him any more. I feel like the fact that every time you see him now he has a miserable expression on his face and kids hanging off every part of his body is punishment enough.

Okay, so the thing that bugs me is how fucking pretentious they are as a couple. Let me preface what I’m about to say by stating that I am absolutely, 100% for gay marriage, and I believe that Brange are too.

However, I think they’re kind of full of shit with this ‘oh, we’re not getting married until gay marriage is legalised because it’s such an important issue to us and always has been, so we’re waiting, even though our kids keep asking us about it. Aren’t we such martyrs?’ thing that they have going on.

Let just take a moment to think about that. They’ve both been married before.

So however much they care about this issue, and as I said, I believe they do, they clearly didn’t feel strongly enough about it back in the day to stop them from already having failed marriages today, which is the way they talk about it now.

It just strikes me as an incredibly self-serving, calculated move that they made. Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like they sat down and went ‘oh fuck, everybody hates us because we’re the product of adultery, what can we do to fix this? I know, let’s jump on board with EVERY SOCIAL ISSUE WE POSSIBLY CAN and be as loud about our support for them as we can be, and then people won’t be able to hate us anymore because it’s not PC to hate the couple that’s doing so, much, good.’

Fuck that. They’re wankers.

On the other hand, good on Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard for also stating that they had no plans to get married until gay marriage is legal:

Yeah, I get a ton of questions about when Dax and I are getting married. I usually blow them off because it’s nobody’s business. To be honest with you — and this is the first time I’ve ever said this to a journalist, but it feels like the perfect time and place — the reason we’re not rushing to get married is because I don’t feel appropriate taking advantage of a right that’s denied to my best friends. That’s why we’ve been so hesitant. Dax and I have talked about it a lot, and this issue is very important to both of us. We’re just standing up for what we believe in. Period.

See, it’s a little more believable when neither of them have been married before. Maybe Brange should take a few pointers and stick to standing up for the rights they they’ve always fought for. The rights to do heroin, cheat on your wife and make out with your brother.

 

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4 Comments Post a comment
  1. Landa #

    Dax….run for your life. She’s nuts!!!!!!

    February 24, 2012
  2. Rondel #

    Surely Kristen is not so stupid as to believe the shit she reads in movie magazines……then quote them. Why not interview Brad and Angie and write a real article that isn’t just puke.

    February 24, 2012
    • Wait, what? What did Kristen read and then believe? Kristen didn’t say anything about Brange, they’re two entirely different, unrelated situations. And yeah, for my next article I’ll just text Brad and Ange and ask them what’s up, yeah? Fantastic idea.

      February 24, 2012

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  1. Surprise! Brangelina are engaged, and I’ve already said everything I have to say about this topic. « popcultureperversion

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