Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips are the best BFF’s, and other stuff about the Oscars.
Seriously, they’re actually so cute.
Get comfy, ‘coz if you’re reading this, we’re in for a long haul post.
Let’s start with the red carpet.
Sacha Baron Cohen, as The Dictator, stole the show to promote his new movie:
My favourite part is that you can tell that Ryan wants to have a massive diva fit but has to hold back because he’s on live TV. Suck a dick, Ry. That being said, Sacha is probably trying to convince people that his schtick’s not stale after the massive disappointment that was Bruno.
Here are my top five favourite dresses from the carpet, in the order they saved onto my computer:
So Billy opened the show, it was funny, good on him. Then he did the song and dance number, and we have awkward moment of the night, number one. He sings something about how it’s great that Jonah shed all those pounds (and if I’m being honest it looks like he’s gained quite a bit of it back. He split his pants at the BAFTAs the other day.), but if he loses tonight there’s a table of cupcakes out the back. Jonah looked at him like he wanted to rip his face up.
The Oscars spent a great deal of this year’s show trying to convince viewers to… watch movies, I think. I dunno, but it was kind of strange. Lots of tributes to how good movies are. Because apparently if we’re sitting around watching the Oscars, we don’t already know that?
Anyway, they did this montage of awesome films, and it was nice, until they segued from Titanic to Twilight and I had an aneurism. Seriously.
What. The fuck.
Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez came out to present the costume awards, but Cameron stumbled over her words and they basically acted like the trashy brats we all know they are. It was bizarre, especially when it cut back to them and this was what we saw:
Awkward. Moment. Number two.
You can watch the whole bizarre thing below:
I’m pretty sure Cameron was shitfaced, just sayin’.
So Octavia won Best Supporting for The Help, no big surprises there. Her speech was really sweet.
Emma Stone presented with Ben Stiller and was amazing, and so far there’s no video on youtube for it, but when there is, this is where I’ll put it.
Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis came out and acted like twats for a good hour or so, before telling me that that piece of shit song from The Muppets, written by that dude off Flight of the Conchords, won over the spectacular Real in Rio, from Rio. That is some bulllllllllllshit. They didn’t even have performances this year, so I didn’t even get to hear my jam.
They did, however, have a big Cirque Du Soleil number, again, about how awesome the movies are. It was strange.
Christopher Plummer won Best Supporting Actor and gave a lovely speech.
Woody Allen didn’t turn up to claim his Oscar. Surprise.
Angelina came out to present something and made it all about her leg. Awkward moment number three:
It’s one thing to do that on the red carpet, but she literally strutted out, slammed this pose down, and had this look on her face like ‘Boom. There it is. This is my moment.’ Just present the award and get the fuck off the stage, Ange.
The cast of Bridesmaids came out to present some awards, and it was strange. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel as though The Oscars is not the place for dick jokes. Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne continued their Scorcese Drinking Game from the SAG Awards:
And it was funny.
The rest of the show was basically predictable.
Meryl won for The Iron Lady:
Jean Dujardin won for The Artist:
and The Artist won Best Picture:
I’ll add more videos as they get added to YouTube, but for now, here’s the complete list of winners:
Robert Richardson, Hugo
Dante Ferretti and Francesca Lo Schiavo, Hugo
Mark Bridges, The Artist
Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland, The Iron Lady
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Separation (Iran)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Philip Stockton and Eugene Gearty, Hugo
Tom Fleischman and John Midgley, Hugo
TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Richard Middlemas, Undefeated
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Gore Verbinski, Rango
Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman and Alex Henning, Hugo
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Ludovic Bource, The Artist
“Man or Muppet” from The Muppets, Music and Lyrics by Bret McKenzie
Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash, The Descendants
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
The Shore, Terry George and Oorlagh George
DOCUMENTARY SHORT FILM
Saving Face, Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
ANIMATED SHORT FILM
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore, William Joyce and Brandon Oldenburg
The Artist, Michel Hazanavicius
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
The Artist, Thomas Langmann, Producer
Check back later!