So, it turns out Amanda Bynes is way dumber than you thought.
Firstly, when the fuck was Amanda Bynes relevant enough to be America’s Sweetheart? Secondly, if by some bizarre turn of events she was and I just missed that memo, she’s certainly not going to be known as a Sweetheart of anywhere for much longer. I mean, mostly because what does she even do anymore, but also because of the following story that I’m about to tell you.
So the other day, Miss Bynes got pulled over in LA for chatting up a storm while driving. And you know what? I’ll throw it out there that it’s a good call on the LA police’s part, because female celebrities have not had much luck with driving and talking at the same time. Just ask Rebecca Gayheart, you know, the one off Urban Legend. Except this is no urban legend. She killed someone. Legitimately.
So anyway, back to Amanda. While the cop was writing her a ticket, she up and sped the fuck off. Like, what? It’s not like there was any mistake there. She’d already been pulled over, he was just giving her a ticket, he already had all her details, and it’s not like she’s poor and wouldn’t be able to pay it, and if she had a big-ass criminal record we’d know about it. So I don’t get it.
I mean, really. Did she think that she’d be able to speed away and no one would ever find out about it? That’s as stupid as Chris Brown thinking he could kill Rihanna and get away with it. I get that I literally just called her irrelevant at the start of this post, but it’s not like she’s not so forgotten that it was never going to be reported. It’s not like she’s, I don’t know… Irene Molloy, who for those of you who aren’t massive nerds for TV like I am, was Hunter on Darren Star’s fantastic but short lived Grosse Pointe, and according to some IMDB user, is now a hostess at a pizza house in NYC. And yes, I’ll probably try to track her down when I’m in New York in August. Because Grosse Pointe ruled my life for one amazing season.
Sorry, I got a little sidetracked there.
Anyway, this was Amanda’s last tweet before this went down:
Live fast die young bad girls do it well!
A few things:
1) She should work on her literacy. Punctuation is so under-appreciated.
2) This sounds like something that should be on a trashy slogan t-shirt.
3) Could this be the psychotic break that I’ve been waiting for? Is Amanda Bynes just a late bloomer for celebrity batshittery? (I’m testing the waters with that, do you like it?)
Fingers crossed, y’all, this could be the celebrity meltdown to watch this year! It’s probably not, but my goodness it would be fun if it was.