Katy Perry’s ‘Part of Me’ video reminds me of parts of other things.
First up, let’s address the fact that having posters for your video, which isn’t even a Lady GaGa length fifty bajillion dollar, 194 minute (that’s how long Titanic is, and no I don’t know why I know that.) production, is crazy over the top.
Now, before we break it down, you should probably watch the video if you haven’t already:
Okay, here’s the breakdown, piece by piece.
At the start, she sees her man cheating on her, so she storms in there and slams down a necklace to show how “done” she is with the relationship that she’s about to spend the next four minutes obsessing over. Here’s the thing, though. In the song she says ‘so you can keep your diamond ring/it don’t mean nothing anyway’ or something like that. I’m too lazy to look it up because it’s 7am right now and the point is that she says ‘diamond ring’ not ‘heart shaped gold necklace’. I mean, you’d think that having that line in there would kind of lend itself to the story. They just as easily could’ve been an engaged couple and it wouldn’t have changed anything except the fact that it would’ve made that line make sense. But whatever.
She storms out all teary eyed and hits the road, assumably to just keep driving around aimlessly, at least until she realises she needs a caffeine fix. She stops at the gas station for a quick energy drink, and decides that she’s so devastated by the revelation that her man was cheating on her that instead of calling any number of friends or family (where’s RiRi at?!), that she’s going to impulse-join the Marines.
Maybe I’ve never experienced anything soul-crushing enough to make an impulsive life-decision based on a sticker I saw in a service station, but whatever. Maybe Katy Perry has no friends and that’s the real story of this video. If this video was about my life it’d be me and all my besties getting fucked up to pop music and having them forcing me to do shots and chase them with G&T’s, followed by me eating junk food and relating too hard to the relationships in teen shows with make-up smeared all over my face. But hey, whatever floats your boat, Katy.
She happens to have a gym bag in her car that has scissors, medical tape or whatever, a grey hoodie and some jeans in it. You know, because only Marines wear jeans and grey hoodies, and apparently before you even apply you have to show them how serious you are about it by not wearing a dress and by not having tits, or long hair. Okay…
Anyway, she cuts her hair off, and when she puts the hoodie over her head, I stop paying attention for a minute because this is what I’m thinking about:
What? Okay, it’s a grey hoodie. You guys, it’s totally the same, and you know it.
Also, in the very next scene you see that pretty much all the other Marine girls have their long hair pulled back in buns, so that’s embarrassing for Katy. Imagine the interview process:
‘Hi! I’m here to sign up at the Marines because I’m going through a tough break up and I saw a sticker in a gas station and it provided me with clarity, so on the spot I taped up my giant boobs and cut off all my hair because that’s how I assume you get into the Marines.’
‘Um… okay. So you didn’t need to cut off your hair, but I guess we need more people otherwise we wouldn’t be advertising on stickers in gas stations. Here’s your uniform, welcome to the Marines.’
I can only assume at this stage that Katy Perry learnt about all things military from seeing the poster for G.I Jane:
Haha. Look at the bad photoshop on her eye, there.
Anyway, she gets in a helicopter and we see a flashback to her with her ex at a fair, laughing and having a great time with those toy water pistols where you have to shoot into a clowns mouth and fill up a balloon. Apparently she’s a natural, because this segues quickly into her rifle training at boot camp.
Again, I tuned out because I was too busy thinking about Spice World: The Movie, for the dance boot camp scene:
So training goes on, and short of catching the product placement for that watch, I’m not really paying attention.
She gets a letter from her ex, which, if you didn’t catch it, says this:
IT WAS NOTHING. PLEASE FORGIVE, AND LET’S MOVE PAST THIS. I’M STILL THE GUY YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH. I JUST MADE A STUPID MISTAKE. LOOK DEEP INSIDE, AND TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT WE ARE.
I MISS YOUR FACE.
Doesn’t Jason sound like a catch? Firstly, all caps is yelling. Second, ‘please forgive’. Not ‘please forgive me’. He’s barely literate. ‘I’m still the guy you fell in love with.’ Well, yeah. She fell in love with a guy who cheated on her, and you’re still the guy who cheated on her. But my favourite is ‘I MISS YOUR FACE.’ I don’t think I’ll ever stop laughing at that. Your girlfriend leaves you because you cheated on her and she caught you, and the best you can come up with is something that tweens say to each other on Facebook during the holidays when they don’t see each other every two seconds? Good on ya, Jason.
Somehow, this reminds her of a time when she was bathing and he was stroking her arm. Okay.
Also, this is as good a time as any to throw out there that the only way Katy knows how to express determination with her face (yes, the one Jason misses) is through a series of jaw juts and nose twitches. Seriously. It’s kind of strange.
She sets the letter on fire (and to be fair, I probably would have, too), and goes back to training. I get bored again, except for in the part where she tries to kill some guy underwater.
We’re almost near the end, so we get Katy singing at the camera under a huge American flag cut with a bunch of scenes that I presume means that she’s completed her training and is now headed off into battle. A battle that involves multiple tanks. Hardcore. I think the flag part is maybe supposed to be her graduation. It’s nice that she has time for a song during it.
Anyway, she puts on war paint and crawls through mud and then it’s basically the end.