Mystikal better watch himself when he shakes his ass, ‘coz he’s in prison.
Y’all remember Mystikal, right? Okay, so if I’m being honest, the only reason I know of Mystikal is entirely due to Scary Movie 2, when they all stand around the piano and sing that one song of his that I know, Shake Ya Ass.
Basically, Mystikal (whose real name is Michael Tyler) is fucked. This time around (HANSON REFERENCE!) he’s serving 90 days for domestic abuse charges which violate his probation.
Why is he on probation, you ask? Well, he was serving 5 years probation after doing 6 years in prison from 2003, when he pled guilty to extortion and sexual battery. Here’s what happened: First, he and his two bodyguards (because apparently he was famous enough at the time to warrant two bodyguards. Lol. Right.) accused this hairdresser of stealing $80,000 in cheques, she denied stealing any money, and then the bodyguards held her down and the three of them forced her to give Mystikal head. Nice guys, right? Oh, did I mention they filmed it? Yeah, they filmed it. As soon as the judge saw the tape and took into account the fact that Mystikal had already had arrests for gun and drug possession, they all went to jai; Mystikal for 6 years, and his bodyguards, Leland “Pokie” Ellis and Vercy “V” Carter got 3 and 4 years, respectively. While he was in there he was denied parole and charged with some other stuff because he didn’t do his taxes in 1998 or 99, and eventually he got out of the slammer in 2010. Oh, and you can check out his sex offender page here.
Upon his release, he said:
It still feels like a dream, man. I was gone so long, all the things I achieved, all the accolades I attained, it felt like it was dream. It felt like I’d never done that stuff. But watch how I shake this world up now — I want reparations.
And now it’s 2012 and he’s going back to jail for a misdemeanor charge of domestic abuse battery. On how he feels going back to jail:
Disappointed isn’t the word for it — ashamed. It’s hard to show up. If I stole your money and I gotta come face you again and you ask me about the money, it’s gonna be hard for me to face you in the eye. So the proof is in the pudding. Everything I was doing, the 81 days was right there riding with me — in the SUV, come on, who’s that? My 81 days. Everywhere I went, it was keeping me in check, and it’s a fight. I can tell myself all kinds of things, I can sit there and mope, or I can get out and thank those fans the way I’m supposed to, the way they deserve to be thanked. So of course I am.
And now I’m sure you can see why I’m not particularly concerned with the prison rape joke that I put in the title. As the New Radicals would say, you only get what you give.