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Hopefully this is the last time we have to talk about Amber Portwood.

So I may have jumped the gun a little with my last Amber post. Foolishly, I didn’t take into account that she can do interviews from jail. I was too eager for her to not be in my life anymore. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Stephanie, if you hate her so much, why do you keep posting about her?’ and honestly, it’s because I really enjoy hating her. I find it fun. Don’t you judge me.

Anyway, this new interview is ridiculous, as expected. Here are some quotes from it:

I felt like I’d rather do my time, and get it over with, and make the best of the situation that’s been handed to me.

This is so typical of Amber. She punches Gary, it’s Gary’s fault for provoking her. She gets her ass addicted to prescription pills, the situation is just something that’s ‘been handed to her.’ Also, to ‘make the best of the situation’ would undeniably have been to do rehab, go to counselling, and grow the fuck up so she could be a mother to poor Leah, but whatever.

I was very depressed. I was alone, I was bitter at everybody, and I didn’t feel like that was the life I wanted to live.

You know what I hear is great for depression? Prison. That shit will perk you right up, it’s such a warm, friendly place, why would anyone ever want to leave? You know, we’re all just fools, really, for not realising how good we could have it. At least she’ll never have to worry about being alone, I suppose. That being said, if I was in jail and Amber was my cellmate I’d beg them to let me change cells, and if that didn’t work I’d probably try to kill myself. Or her. Probably her because I’m really selfish.

I’d taken 30 Suboxone in three days, you know, the depression took over and I’d just take 4-5 at a time underneath my tongue.

This is the part of the interview where they recap her suicide attempt from last year and play Gary’s 911 call and show the part where she punches him.

[Gary and I] will still have a relationship, we still do. I’m not just going to sit [in jail], I’m going to do substance abuse classes, I’m gonna get my GED.

This part is just sad because you realise how delusional she actually is about this whole thing. Like, if she can’t stay clean when she’s out in the world, what makes her think that she’s going to be able to do it in prison? It’s not like prison is a walk in the park, it’s called hard time for a reason. And it’s not like drugs don’t get into prisons. Also, I give it a week before Gary’s back at the strip club making it rain. And also, I’ve watched three (soon to be four) seasons of Teen Mom and Amber barely put any effort into getting her GED then because she was always too busy feeling sorry for herself (and because she’d profoundly stupid), so I really doubt she’s going to get it done in jail when she realises what a huge mistake she’s just made choosing jail over outpatient treatment.

And finally… she didn’t even mention Leah. Not once. You can watch the interview here.

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