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PCP’s Favourite – Failed celebrity marriages, part one.

 

Before we get into it, Let me just run through a few things real quick. If you’re wondering why I’m breaking these lists up, it’s because they take five hundred years to write and it makes the whole thing a teensy bit daunting, even though I really enjoy writing them. Breaking them up allows for more regular posts, and I’ll be posting a PCP Favourites each Sunday. Or, if this has just been published and it’s not Sunday where you are, each week on whatever day it is in your part of the world.

For this series, there will be four parts, with 20 failed celebrity marriages in total. Because there were so many, I’ve broken them down into sections: The Shortest, The Strangest, The Most Devastating, and The Awkward and Ugly. Today we’re going to run through the shortest marriages. Let’s get it started (Black Eyed Peas reference alert!)

 

05 Drew Barrymore and Tom Green.

 

Married for only five months, these two met when Drew asked Tom to be ‘The Chad’ in Charlie’s Angels after being a fan of his show. They got engaged in July 2000, and being the jokesters that they are, hyped their own wedding by joking with the media over the course of their one year engagement. When Tom hosted SNL on November 18th 2000, he brought Drew out during his opening monologue and said that they were going to get married on air at the end of the show. Apparently this was legit, but Drew got cold feet backstage and left Tom to close the show (which was set up for the wedding) by himself. Eventually they got married July 7th, 2001, though, before Tom filed for divorce on December 17th, 2001. For a marriage that lasted less than half a year, though, these two went through some serious shit together. Tom battled testicular cancer and they survived a house fire that did $700,000 worth of damage.

 

04 Russell Brand and Katy Perry.

 

These two have the honour of having the longest lasting marriage on this list, although at 14 months, that’s not saying much. More remarkably, though, they’ve also had one of the most amicable celebrity divorces. Neither side has dragged the other through the mud, and Russell didn’t ask for the half of Katy’s multi-million dollar earnings during the year they were together, even though they didn’t have a pre-nup and he would’ve been entitled to it. He’s a better person than me, I would’ve taken the money. Even if I was already rich. I want all the money, all the time.

Russell filed for divorce back in December, and we’ll get to see Katy’s side of the story depicted in her new documentary Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D.

 

03 Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

 

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. What else can you say except that their divorce has been even more talked about than their wedding. I have no idea when they got married, but I know that their marriage only lasted 72 days. I’m just surprised that Kris Jenner let Kim divorce Kris before releasing the DVD of their wedding. I have nothing else to say on the matter because I’m not that interested in these guys.

 

02 Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton.

 

If you’re relatively new to PCP, let me just reiterate just how much I love Shannen Doherty. So much. She’s the original Lindsay Lohan, which works both personally and professionally, because Shannen is in Heathers, which is the original Mean Girls, and, if you haven’t seen it, one of the greatest films ever. Also, Shannen’s exploits are so well known (from a time before TMZ) that the fictional character of Hunter Fallow in Grosse Pointe is based on her life. That’s the fiercest shit ever.

 

If you watched Grosse Pointe, you’ll remember that its first and only season ended with the cliffhanger finale set at Hunter’s quickie wedding, something Shannen herself is no stranger to.

Before she even met Ashley Hamilton, she was engaged to Dean Factor (that’s Factor as in the son of Max), until he called off the engagement and filed an order of protection because Shannen threatened him with a gun and ‘threatened to hire a few guys to beat [and] sodomize [him]‘. For real. I really wish TMZ had been around back then to follow Shannen’s every move, because even 2007 Britney, Paris and Lindsay combined have nothing on Shannen. Ultimate bad girl.

Anyway. We’ve gotten way off track, haven’t we? Let’s talk about Shannen and Ashley.

First up, if you’re wondering who Ashley Hamilton is, he’s the babe from Beethoven’s 2nd:

 

Shannen, who was 22 at the time, was dating Judd Nelson, broke up with him, and started dating 19 year old Ashley Hamilton the next week. After dating Ashley Hamilton for two weeks, they got married in her backyard. They were both barefoot and she was wearing a silk bathrobe.

This is how shit went down, from People magazine:

On Friday morning, Sept. 24, Shannen called her favorite florist in Los Angeles’s Brentwood section. She placed a last-minute request for that evening: six separate arrangements of sunflowers and while flowers mixed. The occasion, the florist says he was told, was that “she was having some guests up.”

That same day. she reported to work on the set of 90210. During a break, Doherty approached an art department staffer and asked him to come by that night and help decorate her backyard—for her wedding. “Boy, that was fast,” gasped the crew member, who, like others on the set, was aware that Doherty had only begun dating Hamilton within the past month.

“Yeah,” Doherty answered, “I just found out this morning.”

By sundown, word had somehow zipped through town, and a dozen reporters had staked out Doherty’s house on Mulholland Drive. By 9 p.m. a handful of guests arrived and drifted in through the front gates. It was a twentysomething L.A. crowd, from casual to grungy, toting six-packs and snack material. A white wedding cake was carried in atop a cardboard box. None of her 90210 regular castmates appeared—not even Doherty’s closest friend, Tori Spelling.

As the assembled few watched, Hamilton and Doherty—who was barefoot and wearing a silk bathrobe—made their way through the backyard along a pathway of burning tiki torches, past bushes draped with twinkling lights and a swimming pool whose rippled surface was speckled with floating candles and sunflowers. “It was kind of a midnight Polynesian thing,” says one source. The procession concluded, vows were exchanged, and then, according to Doherty publicist Rosenfield, the couple signed their marriage license in the presence of a notary public.

And then five months later, Shannen filed for divorce and asked to not have to pay alimony.

 

01 Britney Spears and Jason Alexander.

 

Britney, Britney, Britney. Obviously this was going to be my favourite for the fastest marriages/divorces.

At 55 hours, this is the shortest marriage on the list. Basically, Britters was in Vegas and got super high (according to her biography ‘Britney: Inside the Dream’) with her childhood friend, and, feeling rebellious, got married to Jason. She described it later as ‘a joke that went too far,’ and the annulment papers stated that she ‘lacked understanding of her actions.’

My favourite Britney/Jason Alexander related moment is that scene where she kind of talks about it in Britney & Kevin: Chaotic around 2:55-3:45 in this video below:

 

And that’s this week, Come back next week for the strangest failed celebrity marriages!

Related posts:

A post that begins with the trailer for Taken 2 and segues weirdly into a PCP Favourite films/series about sex trafficking.

PCP’s Favourite – Teen slashers.

PCP’s Favourite – Backstreet Boys songs.

PCP’s Favourite – Teen chick flicks, featuring a big chunk of Kirsten Dunst’s resume.

PCP’s favourite – Celebrity besties.

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