PCP’s Favourite – Failed celebrity marriages, part four.
My sincerest apologies, my PCP junkies. I’ve been so behind schedule this past week, I can’t even. But, let’s not waste any time, we have another exciting edition of PCP’s Favourite, and it happens to be the concluding chapter of failed celebrity marriage posts. If you’ve missed the last three weeks’ entries, where we covered the shortest failed celebrity marriages, the strangest failed celebrity marriages and the awkward and ugly failed celebrity marriages, they’ll be linked below so you can (and probably should) go check them out. This week we’re looking at the most devastating failed celebrity marriages, so let’s just dive right in, yeah?
America’s sweethearts. I really liked Brad and Jen together. They looked great together, Brad didn’t look like a homeless person with kids hanging off his every limb, she was on Friends, he was doing sweet flicks like The Mexican (which sounds like sarcasm but I was totally into it), he guest starred on Friends:
I could go on, but that’s probably enough. I loved them. And then that HARLOT Angelina (who I also liked at the time) came along and ballsed it all up for everyone. By everyone, I mean me. Obviously. Now, I don’t particularly like Brad or Angelina, and no matter what Jen does she’s always going to be ‘that girl Brad dumped for Ange’, the sad victim of maneater Angelina with the mediocre post-Friends career. The whole thing is tragic.
04 Sandra Bullock and Jesse James.
These guys make the list because I think Sandra Bullock seems like a total sweetheart, and I think Jesse James is a disgusting overgrown manchild. Sandra is one of the few actresses who I’ve literally never heard a bad word about. I mean, I guess you could argue that she’s boring based on that, but why would you? Point is, I like her. I like in the films I’ve seen her in, and she always comes off as a relaxed, no bullshit kinda gal in interviews, and I dig that. She’s also one of the very few actresses to show up to accept her Razzie award, and that’s fucking rad:
Meanwhile, I had no idea who Jesse James was until he cheated on Sandy, so I’ll be completely up front in my bias against him and say that I don’t know anything about the guy, nor do I want to. Literally when I heard about this scandal I was like ‘wait, what’s that movie with Casey and Brad in it? What is going on?’
Point is, he’s a huge douchebag. In a vein similar to Chris Brown, this 42 year old man issued a ‘heartfelt’ apology for cheating on Sandra with (allegedly) many, many whores, but like a year later was basically like ‘you guys, just get over it already. I’ve moved on and you should too.’
Here are some quotes from Jesse James:
I became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad.
I think I’ve paid the price and then some, you know? I don’t know anybody anywhere that’s had to endure what I had to endure for basically infidelity.
He then promptly got engaged to Kat Von D, who he then cheated on with 19 different women. Lovely.
03 Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
If what you’re thinking right now is ‘Stephanie, why are these two on your list, weren’t you rejoicing when Britney dumped K-Fed’s sorry ass?!’, please, allow me to explain.
For me, this divorce is devastating because my girl Brit Brit seemed to be genuinely happy when she was with K-Fed.
Okay, I think Britters married him for the wrong reasons, absolutely. I think she wanted normalcy and stability and thought that if she got married it would be a magic cure-all for everything that was wrong in her life. Unfortunately, marriage isn’t a cure for legitimate mental health problems, and things played out the way they did, but we can save that for another post.
That being said, they seemed happy for a time, and I don’t think Kevin’s the awful person he’s been portrayed to be in the media, so mostly, these guys are on this list because the fallout of this divorce was by far the most upsetting for me, even if the marriage itself was (in my opinion) another symptom of Britney’s greater underlying problems.
Also, I quite genuinely like this duet they did back in the day:
02 Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe.
I was SO sad when these guys split up. I mean, it’s not like it was particularly surprising, necessarily; they’d married at a young age because she was pregnant with Ava, and the rumours that they were splitting up were circulating pretty consistently in the months leading up to their divorce, but still. They’re like THE couple from my teenage years.
Anyone who’s near my age and read any of those magazine like TV Hits, Big Hit, Smash Hits will probably remember reading that Ryan was so upset about having to be mean to Reese while filming Cruel Intentions that he’d threw up after the director yelled cut.
He was also so upset about the divorce that he threw up:
After the divorce I was a physical wreck. I wanted to die. I was ready to kill myself. I was not taking care of myself at all. I would wake up and cry and vomit.
Reese described the divorce as:
Very humiliating and very isolating… But, by the way, if it’s not painful, maybe it wasn’t the right decision to marry to begin with. Those are the appropriate emotions. When people get in your face and say, ‘This will pass,’ you think, Are they crazy? I’m never gonna feel any better than I feel right this minute and nothing’s ever gonna make sense again. And I still have moments where I’m like, Nothings ever gonna make sense again.
So very heartbreaking.
01 Courteney Cox and David Arquette.
I’m not going to lie, I’m still incredibly upset about this split. As much as Ryan and Reese were the big it couple when I was a teen, I LOVED Courteney and David together. I love that they met on the set of Scream. I love the Scream series; it’s my favourite franchise. I love Gale and Dewey as a couple. I feel like from watching Scream I have a greater insight into their marriage, and even though I know that makes me sound like a big obsessive loser, I’m probably not going to delete that sentence because even though I know it’s completely delusional, it’s legitimately how I feel. It’s also probably true that I’m an obsessive loser when it comes to these two. When my bestie Mikaela and I went to see Scream 3 when it came out back in the day, we went into the cinema like ‘I don’t care what happens, as long as Gale and Dewey are together!’
I love that they’re still friends and that they still work together.
I can’t even. These two need to get back together like asap because I can’t deal with them not being a couple. It’s like they didn’t even consider my feelings when they split up. Rude.