Michael Madsen will always win against Justin Bieber, and other truths from the As Long As You Love Me video.
So the video for As Long As You Love Me (the Bieber song, not the BSB song) is out, and I’ve gotta say, this song has grown on me a lot since I first heard it. It’s probably because I finally managed to stop comparing it to the Backstreet Boys song (which I still prefer, but it’s whatever.). Anyway, the video is great, but also kind of unintentionally hilarious, so let’s run through it real quick, yeah? Oh, you should probably watch it first, hey. Here it is:
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- And so, we begin. Biebs is walking to a payphone and it’s all intense.
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- Michael Madsen may be dressed like a Florida retiree/like Leo in Catch Me If You Can, but he’s still Michael Madsen, and he’s going to kick Bieber’s ass. JB should just be thankful that it doesn’t turn into *that scene* in Reservoir Dogs.
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- Michael Madsen’s all ‘IDEGAF get out of her life.’ It’s like Romeo and Juliet… but shit because where’s Leo? (Second Leo reference so far.)
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- If I was JB I’d back out now, but he’s all noble and shit and wants her daddy’s approval. Give you a hint, he’s not going to get it.
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- Okay, so after this convo, JB goes to a bunch of payphones, and this is where the song finally starts. He calls his girl and is all ‘As long as you love me…’
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- This is the phone he’s calling. Vintage shit is vintage.
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- This is JB’s indie, vintage phone owning girlfriend. She hasn’t even answered the phone, so I don’t know why JB’s singing to her already. Maybe he doesn’t understand how phones work.
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- JB’s asked her to run away with him. I’d probably do it because he’s like hella rich now, way richer than Michael Madsen would be. But not stronger, and that’s the point.
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- She’s gonna do a lot of this through the video, get used to it.
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- Oh, we’re back to this. JB’s all ‘what would you do?’ and MM is all ‘walk away, kid. (I’LL CUT YOUR FUCKING EAR OFF!)’ Okay, he doesn’t say that… but how badass would THAT shit be?
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- This video is ridiculous. It’s actually like it’s trying to be a Tarantino film the way the plot jumps around. You’re a music video, not Pulp Fiction. Stick to what you know, Biebs.
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- Literally just keeping this screenshot in because it’s badass.
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- ‘Are you sure you wanna do this?’ They’re so star-crossed. Obviously.
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- Get used to this expression because it’s basically on JB’s face every single time there’s a close up of him singing. It’s meant to express heartbreak I think but actually it looks more constipated than anything. Awkwarrrrrrd.
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- Oh, here’s where all the lovely flashbacks to them being in love start. There’s lots of them too.
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- Being in love is writing on each other–Things I’ve learnt from this video.
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- This is the start of the best bit. After calling his girlfriend, he begins his mission to find her…
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- You think he’s just going to go directly there, because that would make the most sense… but it’s a music video…
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- … Not only does this mean that he’s going to dance like Michael Jackson the entire way…
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- While continuing to look pained, no less (quite the accomplishment, really).
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- Seriously. This entire part makes me laugh because of how awesome/unnecessary it is.
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- This is absolutely how I plan to walk everywhere when I’m in a rush from now on.
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- Flashback time!
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- Seriously. It’s so dramatic, I love it.
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- We’re soooo in love.
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- Literally left this in just because I think it’s pretty.
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- Sexy.
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- Remember what we talked about? Drawing on each other is love.
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- And here’s the pained/constipated close up again.
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- … And again.
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- In hindsight I probably could’ve cut a lot of these out and you guys would’ve got the gist still… but it’s too late now.
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- Yes! My FAVOURITE PART. So on his way to meet his girlfriend, so they can run away together, because that’s the entire plot of the video, Biebs runs into a ragtag group of dancers in a car park.
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- Forgetting all about the love of his life, Biebs immediately jumps into dance with this crew, and all of a sudden it’s like you’re watching Step Up.
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- With that being said… as much as it makes Michael Masden’s point that he’ll hurt her, this is my favourite part because pop music videos need choreography and this dance break is sick.
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- But really, would JB’s girl be happy to see what her boyfriend gets up to when she’s not around?
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- Somehow he’s found a car and is presumably back on his mission to get to his girlfriend.
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- Blah blah, let’s be cute and write on each other. I’m over this part now.
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- If he loved her that much would he be slutting it up in a carpark with this HUSSY?!
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- I’m a pretty chill person, but if that was my boyfriend I’d probably be having words with him about this. I mean, what happened to ‘I can be a gentleman’?
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- MM is all ‘OMG WHAT EVEN IS THIS YOUNG LADY?! LOVE IS NOT WRITING ON EACH OTHER! LOVE IS TURNING DOWN A DANCE BREAK WITH SOME CAR PARK SLUTS, AND JB HAS NOT DONE THAT FOR YOU!’
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- He’s all cross because he doesn’t want her to be with JB. After seeing that dance routine I can’t say I blame the guy, really.
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- Ooh, first shot of JB all beat up. Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where this came from, and the constipated/pained expression is still there.
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- See what I mean about this being all over the place? Sometimes you can just show me events as they happen chronologically and I’ll be completely fine with it, seriously.
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- Leaving this one in because his expression makes me LOL.
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- The screencaps really don’t do the choreography justice. I mean, it’s no I’m a Slave 4U or Me Against the Music, but it’s sick.
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- This is one of my favourite screenshots just because it looks sick.
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- I really like all the stomping and kicking there is.
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- Ooh, and this little shuffle.
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- JB, that’s creepy.
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- LOLZ @ JB’s expression.
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- This is where girls go wrong. They confuse something totally creepy with being romantic. They’re not one in the same.
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- Oh, what the hell. Let him in, then.
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- Okay, this is some serious stranger danger right here.
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- As it turns out, JB’s had time to call his mate down to throw down a rap while he and his ragtag group of dancers rock out in the carpark. Because that’s normal life. I do that all the time.
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- Seriously though, less is probably more, bling wise.
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- A hood and a hat is also a lot of sun protection when it’s nighttime and you’re in an undercover car park. It’s suspicious. I’d probably run, if I’m being honest.
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- But again, it’s okay, because he’s just another member of JB’s posse.
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- Oh, here we are, back to the plot while this guy raps. She’s running away with him. It’s happening.
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- Do you know where YOUR daughter is, Michael Madsen? I don’t think you do… although I’ve got a pretty good idea you’re going to find her since this video has already given away what happens because it has no idea how to effectively use non-chronological storylines.
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- I think he’s keeping his arms up to ensure that we can see all his bling at once. We get it. You’re rich. Richer than us.
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- This looks like it should be a fragrance commercial for something summery and fresh smelling (which is not what JB’s perfume Someday smells like, because Someday smells like Britney’s Fantasy.)
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- … Most fragrance commercials don’t have the ominous side story of Michael Madsen being displeased with his daughter’s choice of boyfriend, though.
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- … Don’t you love how indie they are with that vintage wallpaper and camera?
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- It’s not the sun that’s making that effect, it’s the reflection off Big Sean’s bling. Oh, and his rap is still going.
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- Smoking is what bad guys do. MM is therefore supposed to be the bad guy. Oh, except JB is dance-cheating on this girl and MM is probably right to be concerned.
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- Lol. He’s going to march down there and give that boy a talking to.
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- JB goes to a public phone, dances in a carpark, and now he’s gonna bang his girlfriend in another carpark. I’m starting to wonder if he’s supposed to be homeless.
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- Shit’s about to go DOWN. Look how displeased he is. Immensely.
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- Even though he’s all beaten up, he still loves her.
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- This is the harmonies near the end where he’s like ‘LOVE…
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- … MEEEEE!’
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- The confrontation begins.
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- More harmonies. They’re basically all him looking pained singing things like ‘PLATINUM!’ and shit.
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- The fight moves pretty quickly but basically this is MM punching JB in his face.
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- Whoever edited this together basically makes a hot mess of the plot here. Like, it doesn’t even make sense anymore, but whatever.
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- Aaaahahhaha. These are the best. LEVITATION!
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- We’re back to them being in love. Again, in public. JB is so homeless in this video. He doesn’t even own a cell phone. OMG maybe it’s because he’s trying to make it as a dancer and that’s why he’s broke/meeting dancers in carparks. Okay, I get it. It’s like Step Up. I’m into it.
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- Remember, this is her bedroom, not his. He doesn’t have a bedroom because he’s a homeless dancer with nothing but his love to offer her, which is actually the plot of another Backstreet Boys song, All I Have To Give.
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- Quick, homeless or hipster?!
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- Remember, they’re very in love.
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- They actually look like they’re straight out of a catalogue here, don’t they?
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- Oh wait, we’re back here again. Okay. This is probably more harmonies. I can’t be bothered checking.
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- More punching.
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- She’s trying to hold him back, but he’s all ‘nah, I’m gonna fight your dad,’ but again, it’s Michael Madsen and there’s no way in hell he’s going to win because he is Justin Bieber.
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- See? He’s already on the ground.
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- She’s all ‘Dad, no! I love him!’
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- Meanwhile, JB is struggling to stand up and coughs up a bunch of blood at one point too.
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- Oh, maybe this is the part where he coughs up the blood I was just telling you about.
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- At some point MM piles his daughter into his car and leaves JB bleeding on the side of the street. The moral of the story is ‘Don’t fight Michael Madsen, you will lose.’
Related posts:
PCP Flashback – Because We Want To, by Billie Piper.
PCP Flashback – It Wasn’t Me, by Shaggy (the original lovah-lovah), featuring Rik Rok.
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