PCP Favourite – Fierce fictional bitches, part one (of six).

‘It’s been awhile, I know I shouldn’ta kept you waiting… but I’m here now.’
Forgive me, loved ones. I meant to have this post up on Sunday like normal, but since last Friday I’ve traveled to Sydney and then halfway across the world to sunny Los Angeles. It took me far longer than anticipated to get together a phone and, more importantly, a decent internet connection. My friends are laughing at me because I’m currently ignoring them because I’m reuniting with my version of crack cocaine; gossip blogs. And you know what? I don’t even give a tiny fuck because it feels sooooo good. Anyway, here’s the post that was supposed to go up on Sunday:

Why is that the first image of a post that’s going to be all about my favourite older bitches, you wonder? Well, here’s the deal. Fictional bitches are AAAAAAAALWAYS my favourite characters in basically everything, but none of them come close to my girl Lila Fowler. She’s the ultimate, so she gets to rule supreme over each and every one of these posts for the next six weeks. Because I said so (no Mandy Moore reference intended).

Oh, if you’re wondering where my last post on Famous kids went, here’s the deal. It was supposed to be my favourite kids from reality series’, but then I only had three, and they were only from two shows, and it just wasn’t going to work for me, so I scrapped it and added more fictional bitches to my list because it’s just more fun. If you’re interested, my favourite reality tv kids are Sophia and Bentley from Teen Mom (more Bentley, but Sophia’s pretty cute and her mother is fierce) and Chloe from Dance Moms, who I just think is the sweetest thing. That being said, I like all the rest of the girls from Dance Moms, but Chloe is absolutely my favourite.

Anyway, blah, long intro, let’s get to the good stuff.

05 Julie Cooper, The O.C. (played by Melinda Clarke).

Julie Cooper (Cooper-Nichol). The fiercest bitch in all of Orange County. She grew up in a trailer park, ditched her family and gold-dug her way to Newport Beach, only to ditch her husband when he lost the family’s money. ‘Eighteen years, eighteen years, she got one of yo’ kids, got you for 18 years!’

Bitchiest moment: Fucking her daughter’s ex.

There’s really not much to add to that, it takes a special kind of bitch to try to have your suicidal daughter committed against her will and then fuck her ex. She’s evil and I love it.

04 Ellie Torres, Cougar Town (played by Christa Miller).

First up, let me say that I think Cougar Town is underrated. It’s not nearly as horrible as I was expecting it to be given the god-awful title, and Ellie is a big part of that. She’s basically a huge bitch to anyone that’s not Jules (Courteney Cox’s character), and even then she’s pretty mean. Oh, and she’s got a toddler who we the audience never have to see because she’s never with him and it’s great.

Bitchiest moment:

Basically any part of this clip will work.

03 Patsy Stone, Absolutely Fabulous (played by Joanna Lumley).

Patsy may be one of the greatest characters to ever grace a television screen. She spends her life drinking and banging dudes and being a cunt to everyone around her, and they all just deal with it. She has a job, but she never works. Basically what I’m saying is that she’s living the dream.

Bitchiest moment:

02 Karen Walker, Will & Grace (played by Megan Mullally).

The modern-day equivalent to any/all of the characters from Valley of the Dolls, Karen Walker is ‘a spoiled, shrill, gold-digging socialite who would sooner chew off her own foot than do an honest day’s work,’ as described by Grace. She’s a pill-popping drunk with no morals, and is basically the New York sitcom version of Julie Cooper.

Bitchiest moment:

I can’t even pick one but basically it’s every time she speaks to Grace… and/or most other people:

01 Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development (played by Jessica Walter).

Words can’t even begin to explain my love for Lucille Bluth. She’s filthy rich (even if it’s stolen money), always drunk and is awful to everyone around her. She’s never made eye contact with a waiter. I want her life, and you know you do, too.

Bitchiest moment:

Who’s your favourite fierce fictional older bitch?

Related posts:

PCP’s Favourite – Current child stars.

PCP’s Favourite – Children of Celebrities.

PCP’s Favourite – Former child stars.

PCP’s Favourite – Failed celebrity marriages, part four.

PCP’s Favourite – Failed celebrity marriages, part three.