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PCP’s Favourite – Fierce fictional bitches, part four.

 

Hello again, my PCP junkies. I’m currently blogging from an Amtrak train travelling from New York City to Niagara Falls (the Canadian side, we heard it’s a better view from there.). There’s this guy sitting behind me who is watching some shit on his laptop that keeps making this crashing glass noise that’s loud enough for me to hear over Miles Davis’ trumpets in my headphones. Apparently he thinks he’s too good for headphones, and I hate him.

The person next to him is either very very ill, or just suffers from incredible motion sickness, because he keeps hacking up some fucking gross shit and then spitting it into this plastic bread bag that he brought on board with him. Occasionally he falls asleep, at which point the coughing/vomiting turns into incredibly loud snoring, until he wakes up and begins coughing up a whole new batch of repulsiveness. I loathe him also, he’s like 3 metres from the goddamn bathroom.

Aside from those two, though, this is a pretty sweet set up I’ve got going on here. It’s a nine hour train trip, so I got to hang out and read a book (Daddy’s Littler Earner, by Maria Landon. It’s about this girl whose father pimps her out, basically. It’s fucked up.) and because I’m a huge nerd who can’t live without electronics, I have my macbook with my internet all set up so I can blog and download whatever I want. Add to that the extra legroom, leg rests and chairs that recline a lot further than aeroplane chairs, I’m loving the train. It’s a relaxing little journey for me.

ANYWAY, that’s not why we’re all here today, is it? We’re here to talk about this week’s favourite fierce fictional bitches, and this week we’re looking at bitches from the movies (while I wait for this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars to finish downloading.). Let’s get into it.

 

05 Heather Mooney, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (played by Janeane Garofelo).

 

I love the shit out of Janeane Garofelo, just FYI, and if you’re wondering, yes, a big part of that love is probably because she was in Now and Then which I basically mention at any chance I get on here.

Anyway, Heather Mooney is everything that a fierce fictional bitch should be. A delightful mix of evil, bitchy, nasty, likeable and hilarious. If you’ve seen Romy and Michele and didn’t come away from it loving Heather then I’m sorry, but there’s probably something wrong with you. Here, someone’s put together all her best moments into one awesome YouTube clip.

 

04 Regina George, Mean Girls (played by Rachel McAdams).

 

I could probably just leave the picture there and move on to the next one, because I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t seen Mean Girls. Regina George, therefore, needs no introduction. The meanest girl in North Shore High School, her hair is full of secrets and she will never allow ‘fetch’ to happen. If for some reason you need a refresher course, here you go:

 

03 Heather Chandler, Heathers (played by Kim Walker).

 

Heather Chandler is the original mean girl. The fiercest bitch in Westerberg High, all the guys wanted her, all the girls wanted to be her. She was literally so fierce that she *SPOILERS* *SPOILERS* *SPOILER ALEEEEEERT*

… has to be murdered in order to be stopped.

Honestly, Regina George could never, and if you haven’t seen Heathers drop everything and go watch it right now. And you’re welcome for the recommendation.

 

02 Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions (played by Sarah Michelle Gellar).

 

The top two are hard for me to choose between because I love them both so much, but SPOILERSSSSSSSS they both end up getting what they deserve and ruining the film for me because I legitimately want the bitches to be successful in whatever evil plan they’re cooking up.

At number two, we have Kathryn Merteuil from Cruel Intentions, a film that EVERYONE at my high school watched when it was released back in 1999 (ugh, oldness.).

The bulimic, coke snorting, alcoholic Kathryn, despite her flaws, maintains a facade of Upper East Side perfection throughout the film until that nasty Annette comes and ruins everything to the tune of Bittersweet Symphony (Cruel Intentions is also one of my favourite soundtracks of all ever.). The point is, ignoring the ending, Kathryn is a narcissistic sociopath who wears fierce outfits and doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but herself, and basically SMG’s career was at its best in 1999 and has never quite regained that level (unfortunately, because I love her.). She’s like Blair Waldorf 2.0, except that she came first.

Here, watch this music video of her best moments that someone’s put together for us:

 

01 Courtney Shayne, Jawbreaker (played by Rose McGowan).

 

Words cannot express to you my love for Rose McGowan circa-when she was dating Manson. I kind of, really, love that she plays the bitchy, evil Queen Bee character, not only because Rose does it oh-so-well, but because when I see Rose (who, by the way, I think is completely gorgeous, especially in this) I don’t think ‘there’s your teen queen!’, unlike, say, Rachel McAdams as Regina George. You know what I mean?

Anyway, she gets number one because she accidentally murders her BFF and is basically like ‘oh well.’ That’s a special kind of evil. In fact, the only time she shows any emotion at all other than ultimate fierceness is when everyone finds out how fucking evil she is and she loses her popularity. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t like when my bitches get their comeuppance, because it ruins the fierceness of the Queen Bee, which is why I love these films.

 

Come back next week for part five, which will be 10-6 of my favourite fierce fictional bitches from television.

 

 

Related posts:

PCP’s Favourite – Fierce fictional bitches, part three.

PCP’s Favourite – Fierce fictional bitches, part two.

PCP Favourite – Fierce fictional bitches, part one (of six).

PCP’s Favourite – Current child stars.

PCP’s Favourite – Children of Celebrities.

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