Not to be outdone by Amanda Bynes, all the interesting Lohans are in full force this week.
Any excuse to post Michael Lohan in his mesh shirt.
Before we get started, let me just give my dear friend Mark a shout out for keeping me up to date on Dina and Michael Lohan’s blogworthy behaviour.
Okay, so as we know, Amanda Bynes was caught driving with a suspended license earlier this week, and while her car was impounded, she wasn’t arrested. Fellow child star turned trainwreck LiLo isn’t too happy about this, and you know what? I kind of agree with her. She tweeted:
Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?
What Lindsay has failed to realise is that Amanda has been charged and is scheduled to appear in court, and is facing jail time is she’s convicted, but yeah. The fact that she didn’t get her ass arrested when she was caught driving with a suspended license after two hit and runs and a DUI is pretty fucked, and I think if I was in Lindsay’s position I’d be super pissed, too. But Miss Lilo might just be lashing out because she’s got enough on her plate for this week.
Her parents, Michael ‘I kicked my girlfriend in the vagina one time’ Lohan and Dina ‘I’m the white Oprah but I make out with my daughter when we get drunk together’ Lohan are duking it out on Dr. Phil this week.
Of. Course. They. Are.
I love these two because they’re even bigger trainwrecks than all the party girls combined. On the other hand, I feel incredibly sorry for Lindsay because when you learn even the basics about her parents it answers every question you ever had about why Lindsay is the way she is, and it’s so unfortunate for her.
Okay, let’s get into it.
Dina Lohan went to Dr Phil with the intent, I suppose, to defend herself against the accusations of the public that she’s basically the worst mother of all time ever. Good old Michael Lohan, never one to skip an opportunity to get in the media to talk shit about whoever he’s mad at that day, sent in a whole pile of questions for Dr Phil to ask Dina. Of course.
This is how shit played out.
Dina Lohan was about as sober as Lisa Robin Kelly in this interview:
Here’s the trailer for the show:
Okay, so you can watch all the clips from the show here, and listen to Dina say the following bizarre things:
- ‘I feel like we’re on a date,’ to Dr Phil as he asks her about her relationship with Michael.
- ‘I’m certainly being scrutinised by, you know, “you people”–the media.’ Dina’s response to Dr Phil accusing her of being fake and giving her ‘soundbite buzz words that [she] doesn’t know the meaning of.’
- ‘[laughing] You’re like, in your little tie, with your little shoes.’ to Dr Phil, who asks for clarification to which she replies ‘do the math, it’s on video.’
- ‘You’re mad at me so I have to.’ – Dina’s response to Dr Phil asking her if she wants to answer Michael’s questions.
- ‘If [Lindsay] was living in New York five of those would be obsolete.’ – On Lindsay’s series of trainwrecks since 2005.
At one point, she goes to high five Dr Phil, and he leaves her hanging.
Then comes my favourite part, where Michael Lohan comes in via satellite, Dr Phil shows him Dina’s answers to his questions, and he watches, wide-eyed and cracking up the entire time. When Phil asks him what he thinks of Dina’s answers, he says ‘was she drinking before the interview?’ and laughs, and Dr Phil says ‘I wasn’t with her so I don’t know,’ with a smile that says ‘Probably, yeah.’
Basically what I’m saying is:
1) Dr Phil’s not even pretending to be a psychologist anymore and has completely sold out, but I’m so fine with it.
2) Dina Lohan is a terrible liar and in this interview she reminds me of Lisa Robin Kelly and Kim from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
3) Michael Lohan is a much better liar than Dina, but he also might be a sociopath.
4) Lindsay never had a chance in hell with these two idiots raising her.