Jenelle Evans will happily pick jail over time with her son, but not if she has tickets to go see Ke$ha. Seriously.
‘But if I’m in jail, how will I see Ke$ha?!?!’
Okay, so this is the part where someone seriously needs to bitchslap this idiot and go ‘well, you’d be able to go see Ke$ha if you didn’t continue to violate the terms of your probation.’ For example, last night I went to see Nicki Minaj with my dear friend Alicia. You know why we were able to go? BECAUSE WE’RE NOT ON PROBATION BECAUSE WE FOLLOW THE LAW. Like, the world’s not out to get you, princess, you’re just a fucked bitch. While we’re here, Nicki was awesome and I’d definitely recommend seeing her live if you can.
Back to Jenelle. What the goddamn fuck is wrong with this bitch. For real. You absolutely need to watch the video in order to see why my feathers are all ruffled, and unfortunately I can’t embed, it so CLICK HERE NOW because it’s a must-see and then we’ll run through the whole thing, sentence by ridiculous sentence.
Well, see, the only thing is, on the 9th I have second row seats to go see a concert. It’s Ke$ha tickets.
No, no no, you don’t understand, this is my idol, and I’m not gonna be able to see her if [I’m in jail].
Like, can’t you call her and ask, like, I really can’t miss that concert, I really can’t. That’s why I got all these feathers in my hair. Because of the concert. I bought clothes for the concert. I set up hotel rooms for the concert.
Like, no one understands how important this concert is to me. It’s not just a concert. It’s Ke$ha. Like it’s, it’s the person. It’s not just ‘oh I wanna go to a random concert, like, it’s Ke$ha, the girl that I watch videos of on YouTube 30 times a day, I mean like, I’m obsessed with this girl.
Okay, here we go:
1) Jace is sitting right there and apparently he doesn’t factor into her decision making process whatsoever. Keep in mind this is the week after she said ‘my mom just doesn’t understand that I have other shit going on so Jace just isn’t my first priority right now!’ Like, she can leave her son for however long necessary, but God forbid she misses a Ke$ha concert, where she will inevitably end up doing drugs anyway because she has no self control.
2) The poor guy looks like he wants to laugh and cry at the same time at how ridiculous Jenelle is being. He’s pretty good at keeping his cool though, because if it was me I would’ve been like ‘BITCH U CRAZY! GET YOUR ASS TO JAIL!’
3) Jenelle doesn’t seem to grasp that he’s doing everything he can to get her out of this mess. Like, she failed her drug test, part of her probation. He’s offering her an opportunity to take a reduced sentence so that she can get it out of the way because he knows she’s too stupid to actually ever stop smoking pot and finish her probation. God forbid she makes ‘putting this behind her so she can focus on being a halfway decent mother’ her top priority.
4) I just love how she keeps trying to explain it to him as if he’s stupid for not realising that she OBVIOUSLY can’t go to jail then because it’s KE$HA, duh! I also love how she like ‘um, I got feathers put in my hair, I’m not going to have them go to waste in prison, so obviously I need to go to the concert.’ You don’t understand, let me explain it to you again. And again, and again.
5) The girl I watch videos of 30 times a day. Um… you have a kid! How do you have time to sit in front of your computer and watch Ke$ha videos all day long? Like, I don’t have a kid and I don’t have time for that, and not just because it’s Ke$ha and she’s not one of my faves, because I wouldn’t have time to sit around watching Britney or Rihanna clips all day, either.
And also, okay, I like Ke$ha, but since most of her songs are like, party anthems, maybe it’s not the best idea for a supposed-to-be-recovering drug addict to be using as their ‘idol’? Just saying. That’s like a sex addict having Rihanna as their idol and telling them ‘now don’t think about sex.’ Of course, by now we certainly can’t expect Jenelle to exhibit that kind of logical thinking.
This bitch. I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I cannot even with her.
While we’re talking about Ke$ha, though, you can click here to listen to Supernatural. It’s a song about ghost sex. Obviously. That reminds me, did I tell you guys about this movie I saw in Austin called The Entity? It’s an 80’s horror movie that’s supposedly based on a true story about this girl who gets raped by a ghost. Forever. Like, it still happens now and she just lives with it. SPOILERS:
The movie goes on and has all these ghost rape scenes in it, and then they try to kill the ghost, and then she gets home and the ghost isn’t dead, and then he says to her in this menacing voice: ‘WELCOME HOME, CUNT,’ and it was basically the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in a film, ever. I hope that’s what Ke$ha’s song is about.