‘You’re doing it wrong,’ says Leonardo DiCaprio, coming up for air from his 3 month, cross-continental muff-diving exploration of all the supermodel pussy he can get to while on hiatus from work.
Posts tagged ‘Arrested Development’
Miley Cyrus topless, another preview for ‘Arrested Development’ and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: May 25, 2013.
So supposedly, this is a leaked image from Miley’s recent Maxim shoot, which may be legit because her nails, necklace and jeans all look like they match to me.
While we’re all waiting patiently/anxiously for season four of ‘Arrested Development’, here’s another preview to tide you over in the meantime.
Photos from the TIME 100 Gala, ‘Arrested Development’ season 4 character posters, and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: April 25 + 26, 2013.
- STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WATCH THE FIRST CLIP FROM THE NEW SEASON OF ‘ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.’ [EntertainmentWeekly]
- Brit Brit lookin’ bangin’. [TheSuperficial]
- Selena Gomez, Pitbull and Christina Aguilera will perform at the Billboard Music Awards this year. [Idolator]
- The 2013 Billboard Music Award nominees. [ONTD!]
- Jessica Alba wore a ‘double corset’ (whatever the fuck that is) for three months, night and day, to lose the weight after baby #2. Because that’s normal… [Dlisted]
- Selena Gomez performed ‘Come & Get It’ on David Letterman. [Idolator]
- RiRi makes it rain. [TMZ]
- 20 amazing Posh Spice outfits. [BuzzFeed]
- All the stars at the Tribeca film festival. [PopSugar]
- More ‘Bling Ring’ stills. [ONTD!]
- The Wanted’s new single is called ‘She walks like Rihanna’. Read alternate (and superior) sing title options. [Idolator]
- Brad Pitt doesn’t want you to see photos of Ange getting freaky with a horse. [Celebitchy]
- Michael Buble surprised NYC subway passengers with an a cappella performance. [ETOnline]
- Lana Del Rey’s ‘St Tropez/Party Girl’ leaked. [ONTD!]
- Jenny A doesn’t want Justin Theroux to sign a pre-nup. Idiot. [Dlisted]
- Cute celeb candids shared this week. [PopSugar]
- JT does Ellen. [ONTD!]
- Nick Stahl gettin’ frisked. [TMZ]
- Mischa Barton had another unfortunate red carpet moment. Not in an ‘OMG!’ way, more in an ‘oh, that’s disappointing’ way. [SocialiteLife]
- Duchess Kate gave a rare speech about addiction and treatment. Poor thing looked nervous, perhaps because she knows that everything she does is observed by the entire world. [Celebitchy]
- ‘The moment of Bluth’; The cast of ‘Arrested Development’ covers Entertainment Weekly. [ONTD!]
- Julie Cooper’s best moments on ‘The O.C.’ [BuzzFeed]
- 3 Doors Down bassist out on bail. [TMZ]
- Happy birthday Channing Tatum – See his sexiest pics! [PopSugar]
- Madge’s most iconic outfits are going to go on display in LA. [PITNB]
- MTV’s ‘Scream’ TV series is happening. I’m just going to give this a quiet side-eye for the moment and hope for the best. [ONTD!]
- Apparently Winona wants Johnny Depp back. I’m down with that. [Celebitchy]
- Marky Mark would reunite with his funky bunch for Boston. [TMZ]
- Leo hangin’ out with his buddies. [PopSugar]
- A U.S. ambassador wants all you Aussies to stop pirating ‘Game of Thrones’. [ONTD!]
- A 14 year old McDonalds hamburger looks exactly the fucking same as the last one you ate. [BuzzFeed]
- From the LOL files: NBC is going to try to boost ‘Smash’s’ finale ratings… by putting it up against ‘Game of Thrones’. When did NBC become such a horrible embarrassment? Even The CW isn’t this bad. [ONTD!]
- Miley’s new single will be out in summer (northern summer) and the album will follow later in the year. [Idolator]
- Reese’s mugshot is such a hot mess because she couldn’t stand up straight or hold herself up. Ha! [People]
- MK Olsen getting cozy with Sarkozy courtside for the zillionth time. [PopSugar]
- Apparently Alex Pettyfer might be in the running for ’50 Shades of Grey’ after all. I feel like I’m getting to that point where I hear about this movie so often that by the time the damn thing is actually released I will be so DONE, you know? [Celebitchy]
- You’ve been pronouncing Khaleesi wrong, everyone. [ONTD!]
- Isla Fisher does Gotham magazine. [PopSugar]
- There’s an anti-incest app in Iceland so you don’t accidentally bang your relatives. [BuzzFeed]
- Gwyneth Paltrow is People’s most beautiful woman. I think they maybe confused the word ‘beautiful’ with the word ‘obnoxious’. [Dlisted]
- Nico Tortorella on what the fuck went on in this past week’s episode of ‘The Following’. [ONTD!]
- They found pot on Justin Bieber’s tour bus. OMG SCANDALOUS. [TMZ]
- Nicole Richie on Chelsea Lately. [PopSugar]
- 11 Beyonce quotes to live by. [BuzzFeed]
- Here’s the full soundtrack list for ‘The Bling Ring’, and the real-life version of Emma Watson’s character is pissed about the film. [ONTD!]
- Chloe Moretz covers Nylon’s ‘Young Hollywood’ edition. [JustJaredJr]
- LiLo’s got a new(ish) sugardaddy. [Dlisted]
- The weirdest celebrity marriages. [PopSugar]
- The ‘GoT’ cast all glammed up. [ONTD!]
- Ke$ha blames Perez Hilton for getting dumped. [GossipCop]
- This woman took photos of people’s reactions (read: sniggers, jokes and side-eyes) to her/her weight. [BuzzFeed]
- 9 posters for the new season of ‘Arrested Development’. [WorstPreviews]
- Tina Simpson, Jessica and Ashlee’s mother, planned a murder/suicide when she found out her husband was gay, nbd. [IDLYITW]
- Amanda Bynes’ hairdresser said that she seemed like she was on something. SUED. [ONTD!]
- Katie Holmes is working on a film with Spike Lee. [JustJared]
- Lindsay will be summering in the Hamptons in her not-lockdown rehab. It’s basically a spa. [Dlisted]
- SURPRISE! MTV cancelled ‘Buckwild.’ One of the producers is furious, and the cast is tweeting to save the show “for Shain”. Yeah… for Shain. Not for your paychecks, right? Right. Oh, and obviously that led to a fight with Jenelle Evans, because it’s Jenelle. [TMZ, Dlisted, ONTD!]
- Da Fuq is Mischa Barton wearing, y’all? [ONTD!]
- And while we’re at it, da fuq is Rumer Willis wearing?! [GoFugYourself]
- Rihanna and Chris Brown are still a thing. I knew not to get my hopes up. [GossipCop]
- 26 answers to Carrie Bradshaw’s ridiculous questions. [BuzzFeed]
- Hear 5 second of an unreleased reggae Lana Del Rey song called Party Girl. Lana Del Reggae. [Idolator]
- Apparently Victoria’s Secret fired Miranda Kerr because of her ‘difficult reputation’? What, the one that she’s cheating on Orlando and banging half of Hollywood? Is that the reputation they could be referring to? [Celebitchy]
- As if anyone needed another reason to hate Russell Crowe, he was a real cunt to Rebel Wilson. [Dlisted]
- See all the ‘Sex and the City’ references ‘The Carrie Diaries’ jammed into the first season. It’s actually pretty fantastic, I hope it gets a second season. [PITNB]
- The dumbest things teens like. [BuzzFeed]
- JT performed Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay for the Obamas. [Idolator]
- Billy Ray says he’s always been a better friend than a ‘daddy’ to Miley Cyrus. He said ‘daddy’. That was his word choice, not mine. [GossipCop]
- Look back at past MTV Movie Awards. [PopSugar]
- PETA’s mad at Kate Upton for posing with endangered baby animals for a Harper’s Bazaar shoot. [Celebitchy]
- AMC is developing a ‘Breaking Bad’ spin-off. [WorstPreviews]
- The 25 sexiest Rolling Stone covers of all time. [BuzzFeed]
- Ryan Seacrest got swatted. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS I STILL DON’T GET IT. [TMZ]
- Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent got engaged. Nate as in Nate from Oprah and Jeremiah as from ‘The Rachel Zoe Project’. Babes. [GossipCop]
- Two new posters for ‘The Fast and the Furious 6.’ [WorstPreviews]
- The 20 most helpful YouTube comments ever written. [BuzzFeed]
This is Lindsay’s ‘I’ve made a huuuuuuuuge mistake‘ face.
So LiLo was offered a plea deal that included 60 days in rehab and no jail time, which she obviously turned down because getting Lindsay to make smart choices is more difficult than teaching Helen Keller to talk.
LiLo’s lawyer went in to court and was all ‘we have to fix her!’ and asked the judge to show ‘mercy and compassion’, but he may as well have been talking to her parents, because the judge gave no fucks about LiLo. In fact, the judge went a step further and called Heller incompetent. From TMZ:
It was shocking but Judge Jim Dabney reamed Mark Heller, saying he was incompetent to practice law in California and said Lindsay either has to get another lawyer who knows what he’s doing or she has to come into court and waive her right to a competent California lawyer.
The judge informed Mark Heller he screwed up the legal docs he filed by not following California law … and the motion to dismiss charges was DENIED. Heller tried to blame the previous lawyer, but his paperwork was so screwed up … his argument fell on deaf ears.
The judge went on to say Heller doesn’t have a clue about criminal law, questioning his competence to handle the case. The California lawyer who’s sponsoring Heller to appear in Lindsay’s case didn’t show up today, and the judge made note of that … not that it would really matter, because the sponsor never practiced law a day in her life.
Prosecutor Terry White made it clear … he’s ready for trial on March 18, where Lindsay will have to face the music in her lying-to-cops case.
Of course, MiLo had time to talk to TMZ about the case because homeboy will always make time for the media, even if he has to reschedule a mesh-shirt fitting or a woman beating. This is what he had to say on the matter, from TMZ:
He’s already lined up a California criminal defense lawyer who will take the case and they’ve already negotiated a fee … a fee that Michael will pay.
Michael is ballistic over Mark Heller, telling us, “This guy is a loser and will drag her down. I already started to pray to God that Lindsay fires him before it’s too late.”
Michael adds, “Any professional, respectable, or sure-footed lawyer would never conduct himself in this matter.”
Parting shot: “This guy has 2 left feet that keep leading him into a wall.”
Where the fuck is MiLo getting all this cash from, exactly? I feel like every other week I hear about how he never paid child support for that 17 year old lovechild of his, and he’s got a new baby at home, AND as far as I can tell he doesn’t have an actual job. Even if he did he’d be blowing all his cash on cocaine anyway. Like father like daughter, you know?
I mean… what a hot mess. Shit’s getting ridiculous now. The judge should just throw her in jail, already. (But not really because that’s no fun for me.)
Okay, let’s talk new Destiny’s Child with extra Beyonce, and new Justin Timberlake with a side of Jay-Z.
Now that the Golden Globes are done, I have a chance to catch up on a couple of things I’ve been meaning to address for days now.
Starting with Beyonce/Destiny’s Child, let’s talk about the new Destiny’s Child song, ‘Nuclear’:
I’m just going to say it, I hate this, I think it sucks. I think it sounds dated, I think it’s boring, it’s not doing anything for me at all. I mean, I probably should’ve seen this coming, considering it’s for a compilation called ‘Love Songs’, but I just think if you’re going to make a big deal about this being the first new Destiny’s Child music in however long the way Beyonce did the other day, then this should be a killer track that will dominate the charts, and it’s not. It’s filler. It sounds like a reject from Survivor that wasn’t good enough to make the album back then and doesn’t make the cut now. Ugh. You should also probably read all these tweets that throw shade at Michelle Williams, saying things like ‘Michelle Williams is the Meg of Destiny’s Child and life’.
While we’re on the subject of Beyonce, let’s talk about her documentary. Her’s the trailer:
Bey is only rivalled by Gaga for the ‘most intense God-complex’ award. If the clip doesn’t convince you, let’s talk about Beyonce’s own Beyonce shrine. From GQ:
“There, across from the narrow conference room in which you are interviewing her, is another long, narrow room that contains the official Beyoncé archive, a temperature-controlled digital-storage facility that contains virtually every existing photograph of her, starting with the very first frames taken of Destiny’s Child, the ’90s girl group she once fronted; every interview she’s ever done; every video of every show she’s ever performed; every diary entry she’s ever recorded while looking into the unblinking eye of her laptop.:
She is literally her own biggest stan.
Moving from one incredible ego to another, Justin Timberlake. Let’s talk about his new song ‘Suit & Tie’ for a minute.
JT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!
Like, is this a joke because if it is it’s not funny. Six years away and *this* is what we’ve been waiting for? Also, I’m pretty sure Jay-Z has a folder at home called ‘generic, phone-it-in raps for pop stars’. His rap isn’t even as good as the one he phoned in for Rih on Talk That Talk.
Here’s the open letter he wrote to his fans:
An Open Letter to you (the fans):
I hope this gets to you the right way. It’s the only way I know to do it. Some people may criticize me for the last 3 days. But it was fun, right?? Right?!?! Besides, I’d rather speak directly to all of you. And, who can knock me for having a little bit of fun with it?
Well… No more teasing. Although, it was A LOT of fun. (Did I mention that I’m having fun with this?? Ha!)
*Makes a serious face*
So, here goes:
This year is an exciting one for me. As you probably have heard through the “grapevine,” I’m gearing up for a big 2013.
Back in June of last year, I quietly started working on what is now, my next journey with that thing I love called MUSIC.
The inspiration for this really came out of the blue and to be honest, I didn’t expect anything out of it. I just went into the studio and started playing around with some sounds and songs. It was probably the best time I’ve had in my career… Just creating with no rules and/or end goal in mind and really enjoying the process.
What I came up with is something I couldn’t be more excited about! It is full of inspiration that I grew up listening to and some newfound muses that I’ve discovered along the way.
I’m calling it “The 20/20 Experience,” and it’s coming out this year.
I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed making it.
That’s all I’m giving you for now… I know, I know! Again, with the teasing!!!
Get ready. This is going to be fun (well, at least it is for me).
There is a Lucille Bluth moment for everything.
JT had better bring the goods to this album or JB is going to outshine him so hard.
You guys, this is the worst shit ever. I didn’t think I could experience any pain similar to when Courteney Cox and David Arquette spilt up, but here we are again, and I’m in an equal amount of emotional distress.
Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are separating. I don’t even… why is this happening to me?
Okay, okay, I’m being melodramatic, I understand that it’s not actually happening to me, but I seriously thought these two would be together FOREVERRRRR, and now they’re not and I am experiencing displeasure. Ugh.
Who are your favourite celebrity couples that have devastated you by splitting up, or would devastate you if they were to split up in the future?
‘It’s been awhile, I know I shouldn’ta kept you waiting… but I’m here now.’
Forgive me, loved ones. I meant to have this post up on Sunday like normal, but since last Friday I’ve traveled to Sydney and then halfway across the world to sunny Los Angeles. It took me far longer than anticipated to get together a phone and, more importantly, a decent internet connection. My friends are laughing at me because I’m currently ignoring them because I’m reuniting with my version of crack cocaine; gossip blogs. And you know what? I don’t even give a tiny fuck because it feels sooooo good. Anyway, here’s the post that was supposed to go up on Sunday:
Why is that the first image of a post that’s going to be all about my favourite older bitches, you wonder? Well, here’s the deal. Fictional bitches are AAAAAAAALWAYS my favourite characters in basically everything, but none of them come close to my girl Lila Fowler. She’s the ultimate, so she gets to rule supreme over each and every one of these posts for the next six weeks. Because I said so (no Mandy Moore reference intended).
Oh, if you’re wondering where my last post on Famous kids went, here’s the deal. It was supposed to be my favourite kids from reality series’, but then I only had three, and they were only from two shows, and it just wasn’t going to work for me, so I scrapped it and added more fictional bitches to my list because it’s just more fun. If you’re interested, my favourite reality tv kids are Sophia and Bentley from Teen Mom (more Bentley, but Sophia’s pretty cute and her mother is fierce) and Chloe from Dance Moms, who I just think is the sweetest thing. That being said, I like all the rest of the girls from Dance Moms, but Chloe is absolutely my favourite.
Anyway, blah, long intro, let’s get to the good stuff.
05 Julie Cooper, The O.C. (played by Melinda Clarke).
Julie Cooper (Cooper-Nichol). The fiercest bitch in all of Orange County. She grew up in a trailer park, ditched her family and gold-dug her way to Newport Beach, only to ditch her husband when he lost the family’s money. ‘Eighteen years, eighteen years, she got one of yo’ kids, got you for 18 years!’
Bitchiest moment: Fucking her daughter’s ex.
There’s really not much to add to that, it takes a special kind of bitch to try to have your suicidal daughter committed against her will and then fuck her ex. She’s evil and I love it.
04 Ellie Torres, Cougar Town (played by Christa Miller).
First up, let me say that I think Cougar Town is underrated. It’s not nearly as horrible as I was expecting it to be given the god-awful title, and Ellie is a big part of that. She’s basically a huge bitch to anyone that’s not Jules (Courteney Cox’s character), and even then she’s pretty mean. Oh, and she’s got a toddler who we the audience never have to see because she’s never with him and it’s great.
Basically any part of this clip will work.
03 Patsy Stone, Absolutely Fabulous (played by Joanna Lumley).
Patsy may be one of the greatest characters to ever grace a television screen. She spends her life drinking and banging dudes and being a cunt to everyone around her, and they all just deal with it. She has a job, but she never works. Basically what I’m saying is that she’s living the dream.
02 Karen Walker, Will & Grace (played by Megan Mullally).
The modern-day equivalent to any/all of the characters from Valley of the Dolls, Karen Walker is ‘a spoiled, shrill, gold-digging socialite who would sooner chew off her own foot than do an honest day’s work,’ as described by Grace. She’s a pill-popping drunk with no morals, and is basically the New York sitcom version of Julie Cooper.
I can’t even pick one but basically it’s every time she speaks to Grace… and/or most other people:
01 Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development (played by Jessica Walter).
Words can’t even begin to explain my love for Lucille Bluth. She’s filthy rich (even if it’s stolen money), always drunk and is awful to everyone around her. She’s never made eye contact with a waiter. I want her life, and you know you do, too.
Who’s your favourite fierce fictional older bitch?