So JT is in Cannes at the moment because someone pulled enough strings to get him a role in the Coen brothers film ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’. I’ve seen three films with Justin Timberlake in them now, and let me tell you, someone got the world’s best BJ in order to make this casting happen, because he’s a fucking abysmal actor.
Okay, allow me to clarify that before we move on. He was alright in ‘Alpha Dog’, but he’s basically playing himself in a fedora (the Russell Brand approach to acting, not that there’s anything wrong with that), right? But I saw ‘Black Snake Moan’ and ‘Friends With Benefits’, and he was terrible in both of them as well. ‘Friends with Benefits’ in particular, because you guys know how much I love Mila Kunis, and you also know that I will cry while watching pretty much anything, but I didn’t cry while I was watching this. I cry when I’m watching ‘DANCE MOMS’, for fuck’s sake. The emotional turmoil of a 9 year old girl whose hat falls off on stage caused me to cry, Justin Timberlake’s dreadful, soulless acting did not. I feel like that says something (other than the obvious ‘Stephanie, you need to turn off ‘Dance Moms’ and get out of the house once in awhile). My point is, his acting career sucks.
On the other hand, I think he’s arguably one of the most talented musicians out there at the moment. ‘Justified’ is probably one of my top 10 favourite albums of all time, with ‘FS/LS’ closely following that. I know I gave ‘The 20/20 Experience’ a lot of shit when it first got released, but I have to admit, it’s been growing on me rapidly and I suspect that if you come back to me in a month or so that I’ll be all ‘OMG it’s amaaaaazing, I’m obsessed!’ (Although I stand by my previous statement that an 8 minute track about strawberry bubblegum is incredibly unnecessary and self-indulgent.)
So here’s the thing. He’s in Cannes, he’s supposed to be promoting his new film, the first film which features him as a singer, according to Showbiz411, because they either haven’t had the displeasure of watching ‘Friends With Benefits’, or they didn’t count that one scene where he raps that Kriss Kross song (the only scene he was tolerable in, to be honest). Instead, this is what he says:
You know my music career hangs over me like a cloud.
What the actual fuck. Okay, so here’s the thing. That cloud is the only reason homeboy’s got an acting career to complain about to begin with, because if you took away JT’s music career and superstar status, there’s no way in holy hell he would be getting cast in films, because he’s a goddamn awful actor, but an actor who’s bankable BECAUSE of that cloud. That ‘cloud’ that he’s talking about? That’s his fans. The fans of his music career. The people who love his music and will pretend not to notice that he emotes less than a real housewife (even those botoxed bitches make me cry more than JT does) of anywhere, and will continue to pay money to see him and support his career, regardless of the fact that they would prefer it if he just went back to producing sick, chart-topping, cutting edge pop music. All of you who went and bought his latest album? Who will go see him on tour? You’re all a part of the ‘cloud’. And JT resents you, because apparently you’re the reason he doesn’t have an Oscar yet.
Ugh, I can’t even.