So, here are the photos from Farrah’s “sex tape”, which I will continue to put quotations around because let’s be real, this is a porno and we all know it. Apart from those hideous acrylic nails, she looks nice! Good for her.
For those of you who want to see the porno in all its glory, it’s called ‘Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom’, which made me laugh out loud when I read it the first time. It goes for 70 minutes. I don’t even think I could handle 70 minutes of watching/listening to Farrah if she had her clothes on, to be honest.
Farrah ended up selling the film (like she planned all along) for close to a million dollars; well below the ‘over 2 million’ price tag she put on the tape on Dr. Phil. No surprises there.
Moving on, let’s talk about how she dissed Jenelle Evans, or as I like to call it: Trainwreck vs. Trainwreck. It’s like Mad magazine’s Spy vs Spy series, but they’re both losers, all of the time.
Jenelle’s taken some shots at Farrah in the past; she called Farrah’s decision to get a boob job, chin implant and rhinoplasty ‘insane’, which is interesting given that Jenelle got a boob job, too. Pot, meet kettle. Also, am I the only one who’s looking at those sex tape pics up there and thinking that she looks better post-op than she did before? It’s not like she’s Heidi Montag… yet. (Give it time, she just got close to a million dollars, that’s a whole lot of potential surgeries). Oh, and a few weeks back Jenelle posted a Keek video making fun of Farrah, which I saw but honestly there was nothing to say because it wasn’t interesting, or funny, or trainwrecky enough for me to bother with. Anyway, you get the point. They got beef, yo.
Farrah decided to retaliate through a statement to RadarOnline, because that’s what ladies do, y’all. Here it is:
“It was brought to my attention that another Teen Mom, Jenelle Evens, seems to be stalking my every move in my personal life. She seems to be following in my footsteps with everything from my Keek videos, my plastic surgeries and my unfortunate personal legal issues that I’m dealing with at this time. I have nothing negative to say in response to her continuous and horrible comments about me. Whatever she says is her opinion.
“One thing I do have to say is, if she doesn’t like me, why are you looking and tracking everything I do? I personally have never had interest in her life as she seems to continuously not care about her son or herself. The drugs and bad relationships with men are not good.
‘If she doesn’t like me, why are you looking… ‘ I know I shouldn’t be surprised that a teen mother who up until a few weeks ago had never heard the word ‘eeeee-lab-or-ate’ doesn’t know the rules of the English language, but COME ON. That is basic fucking grammar and it HURTS. MY. BRAIN.
“From one helpful and concerned Teen Mom to another Teen Mom, who is clearly struggling, I think it is in your best interest to detract from spouting jealous attacks towards myself and other successful, positive and great mothers and to focus on making her marriage better, sorting out her drug addiction and helping her wonderful son that needs her in his life.
‘I have nothing negative to say/she is obvs struggling’ haha. Oh, Farrah.
“Jenelle has all the potential to turn her negatives in to a positive like I have. I wish Jenelle all the best in her future no matter what she decides to do. If she is happy the way she is, then that is her choice. But I will not be paying attention to her self destruction.
I’m sorry, WHAT?! ‘Like I have’?! HAHAHAHA DUIs and porno, the ingredients to a successful life, you guys. You heard it here first.
“I will continue to stay focused on improving my family relationships, my career and my future goals with completing my masters degree and providing a wonderful life for my beautiful daughter.”
“God bless, Farrah Abraham.”
While we’re on the topic of Jenelle, though, have you guys seen the finale for ‘Teen Mom 2′ yet? That scene with her and Kieffer holding each other up while they’re nodding off because they’re high as fuck on heroin and talking about all the great opportunities they had now that they were together and Kieffer was pressing charges on Barbara and her boyfriend was probably hands down the most fucked up scene of either of the ‘Teen Mom’ series, because all of a sudden I felt like I was watching ‘The Basketball Diaries’, as opposed to an MTV reality show.
And instead of laughing at Babs Evans like I normally do, I’m pretty sure I need counselling after watching her heartbreak over Jenelle’s drug addiction, and then having to tell Jace that they couldn’t go see his mother because she was ‘really sick’ right now. Kudos to Barbara for not being like ‘your mother doesn’t love you, Jace,’ because that’s what I was expecting from her. She showed some pretty great restraint there. Poor Jace, though. That kid is going to be so fucked up when he grows up, and he’s probably going to see the very moment when Jenelle chose heroin and Kieffer over him, and hear the words ‘If my mom says that I can’t see Jace when I’m with you, then I give up’. Ugh, you guys. All jokes aside, this whole situation is beyond fucked up and I hope Jenelle will get the help she needs.
Let’s move back to Farrah, because she’s more ‘trainwreck in a fun way’ than Jenelle is.
She pled not guilty to the three charges in her DUI case: aggravated DUI, refusal to take a field test, and disorderly conduct. She’s still trying to claim the whole ‘yes I was drunk but I wasn’t driving. I HAD driven but I was NOT DRIVING.’ Honestly she probably believes it because she’s that fucking dense.
She also posted that picture up there of the first letter her mother sent her after moving, tweeting:
“Awh look my #1st letter from my #Mom after moving:) #BIGDEAL xo.”
If you can’t read the letter, it says:
Farrah + Sophia.
I miss you both so much! Love you and pray God will bless and keep you safe. Want our family to heal and grow. I will NEVER leave or forsake you. You are a priority in my life.
Mom + Grandma
Well, we all saw that coming, right? Farrah and Debra are totally co-dependent, they love having each other to fight with.
Most importantly, though, what do you think Farrah will be spending her porno cash on? Personally, I hope it’s her “music” career, and if you haven’t listened to her song, then I apologise for putting you through this but you really need to hear these to believe them:
‘Enjoy the moments while I’m IN THEM!’
Photos from TMZ.
As expected, Farrah Abraham threw a huge diva fit on Dr. Phil. Oh, and Tanning Mom thinks she is hotter and would be better at porn than Farrah, too.
Farrah’s mother kicked her porn star daughter to the curb.
Farrah Abraham and her family hate James Deen for ruining her ridiculous “sex tape” plan.
Lessons learnt via Farrah Abraham: Don’t trust fame-thirsty porn stars to keep your secrets.
So. Let’s talk about Farrah Abraham’s sex tape with porn star James Deen, shall we?