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Posts tagged ‘Hoarders’

PCP’s Favourite – Reality shows, parts two + three.

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I’ve been procrastinating so hard today. I just spent 10 minutes trying to teach myself Eminem’s rap from RiRi’s ‘Numb’. It’s going okay, if you for some reason want to know.

 

15 The World According to Paris.

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This show was such a hot mess and I loved basically every second of it. I don’t know if any of you remember, but when this show came out Paris was all like ‘this is going to be the show that shows who I really am and how I am with my family, friends and loved ones.’

As it turns out, Paris is exactly how she’s portrayed in the media. Vapid, whiny and bitchy, with terrible taste in men. The fact that she thought that this show was going to make her appear more likeable to the public is the best part. As a close second in the list of ‘best things about this show’ comes the revelation that is Brooke Mueller, who at the time was coming off a stint in rehab, and in one episode asks Paris: ‘Do you think it’s weird that my sober partner sleeps on the floor next to my bed?’ I am not kidding. I can’t find the clip but that’s probably pretty close to verbatim. Paris is basically like ‘What? He sleeps on your floor? Ew. Gross.’

Coming in third is Kathy Hilton, who is amazing and I love her. As the woman who raised Paris Hilton into the woman she is today, Kathy’s way less of a “cool mom” than you’d expect and actually comes off as a straight-talking no-nonsense kinda gal who is exasperated with her eldest daughter more than once throughout the show’s short run. She is one of the reasons I started watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, because I was hoping that the fact that her two sisters (Kyle and Kim) were starring in it would mean that we’d get to see Kathy fairly regularly. We don’t see her nearly as often as I’d like, unfortunately. What a disappointment.

 

14 Breaking Amish.

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This show is fucked. I actually haven’t seen the whole first season of it but I caught enough of it in hotels last year during my road trip across the States to know that I’m into it. Basically, they get these Amish teenagers and then dump them in New York to run wild. I missed the finale but the ads for it showed Rebecca, the blonde girl, returning home, only to be shunned by her family. Like there’s this clip where her friends are literally running across a field to get away from her, and then it cuts to her sitting in what used to be her home (presumably her family moved or something) with her saying ‘I lost everything’. It’s crazy.

 

13 The X Factor USA

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Because Britney. Also because Carly-Rose.

 

 

12 You’re Cut Off.

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I miss this show, it’s like the epitome of trash TV. It’s like The Simple Life 2.0, with more rich bitches.

 

11 Hoarders.

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I like how you can look at this picture and still not grasp just how fucked up this show actually is. You see it and you’re like ‘Oh okay, so they’re a bit messy and disorganised and then they’ll get better.’ But then you watch the show and you realise why they used this as the cover, because the reality of the show is too gross to put on a DVD cover.

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No one’s going to buy a DVD with cat skeletons, long-lost dentures and a kitchen piled ceiling-high with bags of the owner’s shit. Not shit like ‘oh there’s a lot of shit on my desk I need to move my nail polishes to get to my keyboard’. Actual shit. Like, you sleep in a hospital chair, shit into a plastic bag and then throw the bag behind you to join the rest of your BAGS AND BAGS OF SHIT. I love this show but it’s certainly not one to watch during dinner or when you want to calm down, because it’s one of the most infuriating shows that I continue to watch.

This bitch, Augustine, for example. I *hate* her. I watched this episode probably two years ago, and I still think about her and get irrationally angry at her sometimes because she is a horrible, ungrateful, unbearable cunt.

 

Also, here’s a video that I just stumbled across on YouTube, where this poor guy who was renting a house to a hoarder comes to check it out after she moves out, and, well… you can see for yourself how that turns out. I’d probably save this for later if you’re currently eating anything.

 

10 The Rachel Zoe Project.

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I *DIE* this show is so entertaining. It’s *bananas*.

 

 

So from watching however many seasons of this show, here’s what I know about it. Rachel is an actual crazy person who speaks as though she recently suffered from a severe head trauma, but she has fierce taste and she works hard. Taylor is a cunt. Everything else is whatever.

 

09 Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List.

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I just love Kathy Griffin. I think she’s hilarious and although I haven’t kept up with the last few seasons, I think this show is great. They do a good job of balancing the funny with the serious side of the show and I hate Kathy’s ex Matt for what he did to her.

 

08 Catfish.

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Firstly, can we just address the fact that Nev is hot and that TV shows are instantly made better when the cast is full of attractive people? Now, let’s ignore the intense hipster alarm that goes off in my head when I look at the photo and move right along to the next sentence.  Catfish is on the receiving end of a lot of ‘this show is so fake!!11!!’ accusations, but honestly, I don’t even give a fuck because it is such good TV.

Here’s every episode, in a nutshell:

A person sends Nev an email like ‘blah blah blah I’m in a relationship online with such and such, we’re totes in love and we talk about getting married and everything is perfect except we’ve never met because of some flimsy reason but we are soul mates and you need to help us meet!’

Nev and his brother are all like ‘let’s go!’ and they go meet this sucker to hear their side of the story.

Next, Nev does some basic Internet detective work using Google, which generally involves putting the photos of the love interest into Google images and searching for any matches. There’s always a match, and it’s never the same person. It’s unsettling, and then they find out some other details that poke holes in the love interest’s story.

They go back to the sucker and tell them about their discoveries, and they’re like ‘I DON’T CARE I NEED TO MEET THEM BECAUSE WE ARE SOUL MATES AND I’M SURE THERE’S A REASONABLE EXPLANATION FOR ALL OF THIS.’

The whole crew and the sucker leg it to where ever the love interest is, they finally meet, and it is NEVER WHO THEY’RE EXPECTING, and it’s really funny sad. Nah… it’s pretty funny.

It’s a great show, you should watch it.

 

07 Beyond Scared Straight.

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Honestly, I could watch A&E reality shows all-day, everyday, and not get bored. This is the third A&E show (along with Storage Wars and Hoarders) to make the list and there’s still one to come next week (and I think we all know what that will be.).

This is my new favourite reality show, and a huge shout-out to Kathy Griffin for getting me on to this, sorry it overtook your own reality show in my favourites list. Here she is, perfectly summing up basically every episode of this show ever.

 

Dead on.

 

06 The Simple Life.

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I’ve been re-watching this recently and I’d forgotten how much I loved it. Nicole Richie is awesome and hilarious and I love her. That time she gets angry at that douchebag in season 2 remains one of the most iconic verbal beatdowns ever, at least in my mind. I couldn’t find a proper video but here’s the audio, at least:

 

And, because I can’t talk about The Simple Life and not post this video:

 

Tune in next week for the top five!

xoxo

 

Related posts:

PCP’s Favourite – Reality shows, part one.

PCP’s Favourite: Television shows of 2012.

PCP’s Favourite – Songs of 2012.

PCP’s Favourite – Britney Spears music videos.

PCP’s Favourite: Fierce fictional bitches, part six.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 5, 2012.

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- Taylor Swift and Harry Styles holding hands at 4am. IT’S ON! [TMZ]

-RiRi’s got a gazillion number ones. Unsurprising, since she churns out hits the way Octomom churns out kids. [ONTD!]

- People magazine: Lindsay Lohan is out of control! … Noooooo shit. [Celebitchy]

- Words of wisdom, from Snooki to Kate Middleton. [PITNB]

- More on the Jovan Belcher murder-suicide. [ONTD!]

- Diane Kruger and Katie Holmes at the MOMA to honour Tarantino. You think they compared notes on Josh Jackson?! [SocialiteLife]

- Is Courtney Stodden even a real person? For real though. She might just be one of those sex dolls. [Dlisted]

- Seinfeld voted the funniest sitcom ever. [ONTD!]

- Apparently Kate Bosworth sings now. [GossipCop]

- Who wants to watch this doco $ellebrity about paparazzi, media, and celebrity gossip with me?! [PITNB]

- Look at all these amazing actors on the cover of Vanity Fair’s comedy issue. Leslie Mann, Melissa McCarthy, Paul Rudd, Megan Fox (WTF), Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Kristen Wiig, Ben Stiller, Amy Poehler, Jim Carrey, Maya Rudolph, Will Ferrell. Will buy. [ONTD!]

- Matt Damon makes a ‘tossing the salad’ joke. [GossipCop]

- If you buy a Twilight engagement ring from Bed Bath and Beyond I will never, ever stop laughing at you. Ever. Also, it’s an ugly piece of shit ring anyway. [Dlisted]

- Apparently last night’s episode of Hoarders featured cats. So many cats. Like 49 live ones and like 75 frozen dead ones. What the actual fuck?! [ONTD!]

- Kylie Minogue’s Elle UK cover. [Idolator]

- Chris Brown smoking three joints at once in Amsterdam. Of course. [GossipCop]

- The top 5 TV shows of 2012. [ONTD!]

- Beyonce’s new music will be out before the Super Bowl [Idolator]

- Angelina Jolie is going to quit acting when her 500 kids are teenagers. [GossipCop]

- Some articles about Ke$ha. [ONTD!]

- Some reviews of Ke$ha’s Warrior album. [Idolator]

- 1D’s Madison Square Garden show highlights. [ONTD!]

- All the front pages celebrating the Royal Fetus. [SocialiteLife]

- Kristin Cavallari talks some more about how fake The Hills was. [ONTD!]

 

Related posts:

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 4, 2012.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 3, 2012.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about myself: December 2, 2012.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about myself: November 30 + December 1, 2012.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about myself: November 29, 2012.

Frances spills the beans on Courtney.

Hahahahaha. See what I did there? I. Am. So. Funny.

Okay, so you guys remember back in 2009 when Courtney Love lost custody of her then seventeen year old? I remember thinking to myself, ‘wow, how bad a mother do you have to be in order to lose custody when you’ve only got half a year until they become an adult?’

Well, lucky for me, the court documents with all the grizzly details got released yesterday, and let me tell you, they’re a doozy. I’m not gonna waste anymore of your time, let’s get to the good shit, yeah?

Frances Bean Cobain accused her mother Courtney Love of causing the death of their family pets in a newly revealed testimony. The 19-year-old filed a restraining order against Love in LA superior court in December 2009 after they got into a physical fight. Backed by evidence from her male nanny and others the judge granted her request, as well as ordering the Hole singer stay away from her daughter’s pet dog Uncle Fester. And in sworn testimony uncovered by The Fix, Frances claimed her mother lived on drugs, was a conspiracy theorist and said the singer’s hoarding caused the death of their family cat and dog. In addition, she accused her mother of taking her to a confrontation at her ex-boyfriend James Barber’s house.

She said: ‘(Love) has taken drugs for as long as I can remember. She basically exists now on…Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes. She rarely eats… She often falls asleep in her bed while she is smoking, and I am constantly worried that she will start a fire (which she has done at least three times) that will threaten our lives.’ And Frances said her mother’s chaotic behaviour was the reason for the death of two family pets. She said her cat died after getting entangled in piles of Etsy fabrics, boxes of paperwork, trash and other possessions, while a dog died allegedly after swallowing a pile of Love’s pills.

Let’s just take a little breather there to say what the fuck, shall we? And also, when you talk about pets dying as a result of hoarding, all I can think about is that episode of Hoarders where that CUNT Augustine lost at least two cats, and then when they were digging through her lounge room found them flattened under the mess. She was the worst person ever. I wish I could find you that episode but it seems to have disappeared from YouTube for the time being. Instead, I’m going to show you this guy, who’s just as fucking bad, if not worse. Of course, it won’t embed, so you’ll have to click here to see the episode where they pull 13 dead cats from this fucker’s house. You really should watch Hoarders. It’s insane, infuriating and everything in between. Here’s what Kathy Griffin has to say about it:

 

Let’s move on.

But there was plenty of other instances that had reportedly driven the aspiring artist to despair. In one incident she said her mother dragged her to James Barber’s house when she was 17, and that she sat in a taxi while her mother had a volcanic confrontation with her then boyfriend. She said: ‘She took me in a taxi to his house in the middle of the night, and from outside the house, in her bare feet, she screamed at him, threw rocks at the house, and threatened to burn his house down. His children were inside the house, but that did not stop my mother.’

Finally, she also slammed her mother’s constant claims of people stealing money from them. Frances said: ‘My mother is obsessed with uncovering fraud and spends much of her day raging about the fraud that has been perpetrated on her and on me. She incessantly rages about her many theories relating to the supposed incidences of “fraud.” She slams doors, breaks things, stomps around the hotel or apartment and spends hours on the phone, yelling.’ And she told the court Love had even threatened to jump off a balcony while she was watching. Ultimately Courtney was ordered to stay away from Frances, Uncle Fester, her paternal grandmother Wendy O’Connor and aunt Kimberly Cobain.
The latter pair were made temporary co-guardians.

Courtney sounds like a legit whack job, and while I feel bad for poor Frances for having to put up with that shit, the stuff about fraud made me laugh. A lot. Can you picture that? Courtney Love, dressed up as Sherlock Holmes (why not?), magnifying glass and all, running around her hoarder house, muttering to herself about fraud. That’s hilarious. And I mean, honestly, who knows what she’s thinking? Maybe she was just trying to inspire Frances:

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