Are you guys ready for another trip back in time with me? I can’t believe it’s been a fortnight already! Today, we’re headed back to 2000, to get reacquainted (or, if you’re like me and still listen to this frequently, then ‘further acquainted’) with Shaggy’s amazing smash hit It Wasn’t Me. Everything about this song is amazing, and the video does not disappoint.
Rik Rok is great, and, let’s be honest, he’s got 99% of the lyrics that I can understand in this song. Apart from the line ‘it wasn’t me,’ I’m pretty sure there’s maybe a total of three other things Shaggy says in this song that I actually understand. Doesn’t even matter. In fact, it makes it better, because you can just make up your own ridiculous lyrics in your head. Or, do what I do, and just kind of make the noises that you hear, even if those noises don’t sound like words. Whatever works. Anyway, here’s the video:
Firstly, has Rik Rok ever done anything apart from this one song? Because if he has, it’s completely slipped under my radar, but then again, maybe he’s like Robin Thicke, who I had always considered a one hit wonder until I looked him up and it turned out he’s been releasing shit the whole time. What even.
This whole opening scene makes me really happy because I love that Rik Rok’s been running from his angry ex, but Shaggy won’t open the doors until he gets all the sordid details. Rik Rok’s looking over his shoulder like that scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer where Helen pissbolts to her store, only to have her bitch sister take five hundred years to open the door, and well, we all know how that scene ends up.
Also, the technology in this video is some fierce 2000’s shit. You just know Shaggy’s got a room full of lava lamps and blow up furniture somewhere in that mansion, even if it’s not shown in the video.
‘You let her CATCH YOU?!’
Also, I’m just going to throw out there how much I love everything Shaggy is wearing. Dude looks fierce. Would it be weird if I made Shaggy my style icon?
These brows, man. I’m basically just going to try to capture the many moods of Shaggy in this recap.
Shaggy should be a professional actor. ‘Just say it wasn’t you!’ Wise words. But really, though, who hasn’t used the Shaggy defence at some point in their life?
Meanwhile, Rik Rok’s girlfriend is outside watching the overwhelming evidence to the contrary:
Again, with the 2000’s technology. Now, don’t get distracted by that girls ridiculous tits, let’s check out the… phone? Portable video device? That Rik Rok’s girlfriend is using to spy on her man. Now, when you keep in mind that this was the year 2000 and the Nokia 3310 was in its prime, how much money do you think that shit cost her?
I mean, seriously, you’d think that it’d be easier for her to just find a new boyfriend instead of wasting all her money on high tech gadgets to stalk him so she can just get pissed off with him about the fact that he’s cheating on her.
This is Rik Rok’s girlfriend. She’s upset because she’s watching her boyfriend bang that chick with the massive tits right now, instead of finding herself a new boyfriend.
Also, maybe Rik Rok lives next door to a porn star, because none of my neighbours look like that, and as Rik Rok explains, his girlfriend caught him fucking ‘the girl next door’. Wait, isn’t that the plot of The Girl Next Door?
Not the part about Rik Rok cheating on his girlfriend, obviously, but the part about the porn star living next door. I’m pretty sure we just worked out how they came up with the idea for it. Watching Shaggy videoclips, where all great ideas are born.
This is during Shaggy’s first verse, where I have no idea what he’s saying. Like, at all. I couldn’t tell you a single word that he says in this verse. But what I like about Shaggy is his perseverance. He already has two hot babes quite literally hanging off him in his shiny silver slacks… but he doesn’t have three babes hanging off him. Most men would be content. Not Shaggy, not the original lovah lovah. Always looking to the horizon for greater feats to accomplish.
‘I’m Shaggy, I’m just here to offer you some solid advice about your dilemma. Also, I’m going to fuck allllllllllllll these bitches tonight. All of them. Uh! Shaggy!’
Those two screencaps up there might be my favourite images of all time. Not even kidding, I might make them my background so Shaggy’s eyes can steal my soul every time I log into my computer.
Okay, also, just after the 1:00 mark when Shaggy’s running through the ‘it wasn’t me’ situations, all of his facial expressions are fantastic, and I wish I had screencaps to show you but they were too fast for me.
Meanwhile, the girlfriend is just getting angrier, sitting in the car by herself.
But! Rik Rok has a good friend in Shaggy, who’s apparently invested quite a bit of money in GPS tracking devices on Rik Rok’s girlfriend, so he can warn his buddy when he needs to:
Apparently Rik Rok’s girlfriend has two friends who are equally pissed off and completely support her decision to stalk him with high tech gadgets instead of just dumping him. They get to the scene of the crime, but Shaggy is onto them, and they walk in to find the girl all shocked and half naked. Apparently they don’t have a problem with her, but just with Rik Rok, which I find a bit strange, because you’d assume that if she was his neighbour that she’d know that he had a girlfriend and even that the girlfriend would know the neighbour. But whatever, let’s not get caught up in that. They’re after Rik Rok, and no one else.
Rik Rok slips out the back, and jumps out of a window to the one Shaggy verse line that I know, which is ‘seeing is believing so you’d better change your specs,’ which, if you’re going to know any line to this song, is a good one to know, I think.
This is as good a time as any to say that the only reason I know that line is because my friend Benji is obsessed with this song, to a point where any time we’d be out he’d drunkenly type (or attempt to type) something along the lines of: ‘Excuse me sir, do you have It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy’ into his phone and show it to the DJ. Not once did it work. Disappointing. Anyway, he suggested this song for today’s flashback, and if you have any suggestions, tweet them to me @stefinitely85 because I’m all for it. Let’s get back to it, though.
Shaggy’s doing his verse still and it’s pretty much the same as the first one, just him with a bunch of sluts gathered around him while he spits incomprehensible lyrics at the camera while raising alternate eyebrows. Fantastic stuff. There’s also a line that ends with ‘so you better run fast!’ and I know that half a line, too.
Rik Rok is bailing out of his neighbours and hops on a motorcycle, Shaggy makes this expression, and I laugh about it for days:
‘It wasn’t me.’
This girl you’re seeing is one of Shaggy’s employees. It’s her job to use the high tech equipment to find Rik Rok a way out of this scenario and report back to Shaggy. I think.
What’s that? He’s being cornered by his girlfriend and her friends?! Better send Rik Rok a message!
Done! That should do it!
Well. That’s cryptic, but I guess there was no time to waste. Good thing Rik Rok was able to use that spare time to interpret those three words as ‘You’re cornered. Or so they think! I’ve actually got one of my Shaggy’s angels driving a truck under the very bridge you’re trapped on right this second. Make a jump for it!’
Perfect landing! Target acquired! I’ve escaped, et cetera.
Shaggy has perhaps the greatest reaction to seeing those girls fail to tell off Rik Rok for cheating on his girlfriend that any human could ever possibly be capable of. You see those expressions up there? That’s glee. Shaggy is gleeful. Way more gleeful than all the kids on Glee combined, actually.
And that about wraps this post up. Or does it? Remember when I asked up there if Rik Rok was a one hit wonder? Well, I took the liberty of Wikipedia-ing that for you, because, well, you guys were taking too long what with the fact that I’m not going to post this until tomorrow morning, and I just couldn’t wait that long. Anyway, turns out Rik Rok has collaborated with Shaggy twice more since It Wasn’t Me! I’ve been missing out, and chances are you have been too, so I’ve posted the songs below for you: