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Jessica Simpson is pregnant, so obviously now’s the time we wanna see her naked, right?

It’s a girl, if for some reason you give a shit. And yes. This is the same issue of Elle that apparently also has Heidi Klum not talking about anything at all on the cover. I don’t know what’s happened there, and frankly, I’m not interested enough to Google it and find out.

Really, though, this is just one more reason to dislike Demi Moore, isn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Jessica Simpson. I don’t! But this whole ‘I’m naked and it’s sooooo beautiful I just wanna take my clothes off and let the whole world see!’ thing is so overdone. Obviously we’re about to take a pictorial walk down memory lane.

Here’s Demi in ’91, pregnant with Scout

And here’s a whooooooole bunch of other pregnant celebrities gettin’ their kit off, in the order of which I found them, because I’m too lazy to put them in chronological order for you.

Miranda Kerr:

Speaking of Miranda Kerr, did I ever tell you guys that I’m responsible for her amazing career? Now, when I say that, what I mean is, I totally voted for her when she was a contestant in Dolly magazine’s modelling competition when I was like 12, and now she’s super famous. See? You do the math. You’re all very welcome, my 12 year old self had an amazing eye for talent.

Claudia Schiffer:

Claudia was my favourite supermodel in the 90’s, so she can do whatever she wants and I’ll be cool with it.

Cindy Crawford:

My girl Brit Brit:

This photo always makes me laugh a little because her expression is so ‘look at me, I’m naked, holdin’ mah tittaes!’

Christina Aguilera:

I know what you’re thinking. ‘But she’s not even naked!’ But really, isn’t playing second fiddle to Britney what Christina is known for? Ouch. Sorry, Christina stans. I’m (mostly) joking, I promise.

Monica Bellucci:

And no one is going to outdo Mariah:

Moroccan Scott. Moroccan is not a name, Mariah. It makes it sound as though his name is Scott and he’s from Morocco. Bless her, I wouldn’t have Mariah any other way. This last shot is probably my favourite from the whole lot, though:

There are so many things wrong with this photo. First, Mariah looks high as shit. Second, look at Nick just smushing her tits like that. It’s not like he’s just covering her nips, he’s really got ahold of them there, doesn’t he? Third, if you’d ever wondered what it looked like when Nick and Mariah had sex while she was pregnant with the twins, this picture probably isn’t too far off.

That’s all, I’m done. I’m sure there are more, but this is more than enough to make a point. Getting naked on a magazine has become like a rite of passage for pregnant celebrities everywhere, and I for one am over it. Unless Britney gets pregnant and wants to do it again, because she’s my girl and can do what she wants. Yes, that’s some unashamed stanning, but I don’t really care.

4 Comments Post a comment
  1. roobybooby #

    Jessica looks like shit on the cover.

    This photo always makes me laugh a little because her expression is so ‘look at me, I’m naked, holdin’ mah tittaes!’ < this made me laugh in real life :))

    and in the end, both of Mariah's cover are ew and lol everybody is up there in high-fashion magazines covers and she is on OK & Life&Style :))

    March 13, 2012
    • Haha excellent. And yeah, totally. I don’t even know why, I feel like she could’ve gone with a better magazine. Life and Style is trash and OK is only marginally better.

      March 13, 2012

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